It’s the night before the public launch of my blog. Bright lights cause me to blink. Hear me talking; you’d think I’m a superstar. I am, at least my mum thinks so. I’m sure your mum thinks you’re a superstar too. I’m standing in front of the mirror chanting, “No pressure Timi, no pressure. You are a high achiever who leverages her skills to increase the company’s bottom line. You can do this girl!” Okay, I’m not standing in front of my mirror literally. It just felt good to write it.
Pep talks, I seem to be giving myself a lot these days. To grow is to expand and if all we do is what we know, we’d never grow. Challenges stretch us to use what we have, discover what we didn’t know we had, and invent what we don’t have. A challenge can be our invitation card to opportunity. Livelytwist is where I discover if the sky has limits and what lies beyond it.
I don’t know anyone who has never been insecure. Does that make us weak or does that make us human? I think about an incident many years ago in primary school. I was one of the honour students. My class was to stage a play and our teacher was casting for parts. She called me upstage to take the leading lady’s role.
I trembled as I made my way to the front of the class, hitting my thigh against a desk on the way. I collected the script from her and faced the class. Twenty-four pairs of eyes looked on. I focused on the first line of the script. I swallowed. Twenty-four pairs of eyes looked on. It didn’t help that the leading man who stood across from me, was a chubby boy that I had a childish crush on.
When twenty-four lips parted in laughter, I managed to maintain a semblance of dignity. My teacher walked up to me.
“Come on Timi, read it.”
I found my voice at last.
“I can’t.”
I cannot adequately describe the disappointment in her eyes. It was worse than the laughter that crisscrossed the room, which rose to a crescendo and then fell to a hush before rising again to an invisible conductor’s baton. Was she disappointed because she had misjudged the capabilities of her top student? She tried to mask the annoyance and impatience in her voice when she asked me to return to my seat, but I heard it. I felt it. Shame trailed me as I limped to my seat. Once there, I did not cry. I don’t know why I did not cry. I was supposed to cry.
Fast forward thirty years later, and I can talk in front of almost any crowd. I cannot remember when last my mouth locked like the jaws of a spanner.
That’s what I’m thinking of as questions scream in my head—will people read my blog? Will they like it? Can I sustain it? What if I can’t write a post week after week? However, knowing that I’ve overcome past challenges silences the questions. I know that fast forward a few months, I’ll still be writing and you’ll still be reading.
No pressure Timi, no pressure.
© Timi Yeseibo 2013
Photo credit: Fear-filled woman biting her nails with anxiety by Microsoft
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livelytwist 
I still get that pressure. Even as I edit my posts, I still fear..
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If you did not fear, you would not be human. If you did not care, you would not fear. But your courage makes you keep writing … All the best!
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No pressure! lol just keep writing sis cause God is doing new things in your life every day .
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Nengi, thank you! No pressure…
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Yes, yes and yes u will keep writing and u will never run out of what to write, just pick a topic, how come wen you write it soot pains, it relaxes the muscles and it makes mi (blive others too) feel younge
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Amen to that Arinze… my ink will keep flowing! Now that’s a first- my writing makes you feel young 🙂
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Great blog Timi, I’m glad you didn’t let those voices stop you. We would have missed out on this. Keep it up…it’s really funny and real 🙂
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Thank you Jemimah… I am so glad I didn’t; grateful for the inner strength to forge on!
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And why does this remind me so much of a time I stood up to speak? I guess I had forgotten that I had already “overcome”. All I could see were the faces of people waiting fo me to blow it, at least that’s what it looked like to me. How I wished someone else could take centre stage! I rambled on as the voices in my head got louder, “how boring is that?” “I wouldn’t listen to you!” “What were you thinking” “Were you thinking?”. Someone walked out!! “Help!” I dropped my notes, breathed deeply and started to “chat” to my audience…. :). The pressure!
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Anita, I feel you! But, you’re doing so well now; we all are- we have overcome! Thanks so much for sharing, it reminds us that we’ve all come a loooong way & to be grateful for that.
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Amen and Amen… We’re ever overcoming! Not there yet but certainly not what we used to be. Thanks hun, you really are a blessing!
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Anita, thanks!
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Couldn’t help smiling as I read through. Good to know someone too has felt the shame of failure . Thks for sharing.
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@Tonbara, I’m glad it resonates. Yes, I’ve felt the sting of shame, but I’ve surmounted challenges and felt the exhilaration of success too, thank goodness!
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No pressure, you took the first step, the most important step
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Yes I did, and you encouraged me all the way, thanks
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No pressure indeed! So true…..well done.
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Yes Chizzy, the knowledge of past victories helps us relax… well a little 🙂
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True talk Timi,no pressure what so ever!
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lol Chinwe, no pressure, no pressure, content must flow 🙂
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