Think Like a Man, End up Without One [1]

~ livelytwist

Think

In The Beginning

The story: Eve ate the forbidden fruit and seduced Adam into a bite, na so yawa gas. The origin of male-female dynamics is rooted in the creation of sin and chaos. If Adam had not eaten the fruit, if Eve had not convinced him to, the world would not be a revolving globe of horrors. The blame game has ensued since, with both sides keeping score like umpires at a game.

The joke: God created the world in seven days and rested. He then formed woman and has not rested since. The difficulties in male-female romantic relations are caused by gender complexities, sensitivities or the lack thereof, and hormonal activities. Mr Lagbaja will probably never cry while watching The Titanic. Ms Jane Doe will probably narrate an epistle of random events if you ask how her day went.

The Conclusion: Paralleling the thought patterns of the opposite sex probably has its advantages, but men exhibit varying levels of machismo and women varying levels of femininity.  Perhaps Love is our different similarity. We love differently, but we love all the same.

Think like man; end up with none, or with one, or two, if you’re into that kind of thing. Think like a woman? Well, you really can’t if you’re a man; you’re not that clever.

© Tomi Olugbemi @ Poetry is Peace

 

Although the man and his wife were both naked, they were not ashamed. – Genesis 1:25

 

Think like a Man? Think Again! 

Ladies are different, but most men are the same. When a lady starts thinking like a man, she begins to have a big ego and two (big) egos can be bad for relationships. I have seen many independent, smart, and successful ladies, who want to get married, end up single.

Generally speaking, the ladies who end up with men exude care and use the power of submissiveness to full effect—the ability to massage the ego, while making the mind see reason. They create the impression of vulnerability thereby increasing the protective instincts of a man.

The way a lady makes a man feel, more than anything else, determines if she’ll end up with him. If she respects him and makes him feel comfortable in her presence, he will want to spend the rest of his life with her

If a lady thinks like a man and then acts like him, she may end up without him. Men are designed to seek conquest and when two people seek to conquer, one will be devoured. A lady who lets a man lead the chase without making herself 100% available, will either inspire his consistency, strength of character, and responsible side, bringing him nearer commitment or inspire him to walk away.

© Ifeanyi Ukoha @ Moments with my Mind

 

 Male egos require constant stroking. Every task is an achievement, every success epic. That is why women cook, but men are chefs: we make cheese on toast, they produce pain de fromage. ― Belle de Jour

 

My Move, Your Move, Checkmate!

Do we even think when we fall in love? Can we solve the mathematics of our hearts with formulas in our brains? Or is the man supposed to be thinking because he’s expected to make the first move?

Ah! Make the move, here lies the problem: game-play language used to define the parameters of emotions and attraction aka love.

If the man is expected to make the first move, but he’s more interested in winding down the timer, the lady has to force his hand. Then he has to lie and deceive while keeping his eye on the prize—sex, exclusivity, friendship with benefits sans responsibility, etc. Then she has to counter his moves to checkmate him, that is, to get his money, his ring, his commitment, etc. Two hunters in the jungle.

Why don’t we ditch the games, no scheming and no faking? Forget about whether the other person is playing fair. Forget all you’ve been told: men are evil, women are gold-diggers, if you don’t manipulate him, he’ll dump you, yada yada yada.

Focus on being the best version of yourself. Have genuine affection for another and risk trusting them with your emotions. Will you get hurt? Probably. Letting go to love another and trusting them to return your love is not being naïve, it is learning to be human.

The thing about manipulating love like a game is this: nobody wins.

© IfeOluwa Nihinlola @ ifeOluwa’s rambles

 

We all think that this relationship thing is a game out here. All I’m saying to women is, ‘Okay. If it’s a game, here are the rules that we play by.’ – Steve Harvey

 

Dramatically Predictable 

There are many men. I have seen enough to know that when women state their preferences, a good number of short, fairly ugly, and poor men are left languishing on the wait list. Very little is said about the thinking of The Chosen and there is good reason. Every next man thinks differently.

Men don’t know how men think. We just shake hands, grunt, and pat our backs. But when men deal with women, usually we expect a game, a chase, a lot more drama. It’s rewarding when the curtains close and you’re both backstage. And even though men wish the drama did not persist sometimes, we like the certainty that we will get drama. I suppose many men want their women to stay dramatically predictable. It is what makes women interesting and keeps men interested.

For the sake of ourselves, let women not think like us, whatever that means, please. Women who try to think like the men in their world are adventurously boring and they will certainly find boring men for themselves.

The thought that a woman who thinks like a man will end up without one is condescending to women and a joke to be fair. No woman needs to think like the next woman, much more a man. What are you doing thinking like a man? Think like you! There is nothing more desirous in a woman than independent thought. Men crave it and nothing will change that. Because in truth, even we don’t know how we think.

© Delalorm Semabia @ African Soulja

 

A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction. ― Oscar Wilde

 

 

Photo credit: Hans/ http://pixabay.com/en/bottles-imprint-glass-think-yellow-60336/

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

68 thoughts on “Think Like a Man, End up Without One [1]”

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  7. Interesting and rich perspectives! Makes me think about how there are so many social mores and etiquettes that impact the way we relate to one another, and sometimes whether we like it or not. I sometimes wonder if these elements that run our romantic lives lower the chances for genuine, lasting happiness.

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  8. So here’s my question: Is it even possible for a woman to truly “think” like a man? Knowing what is attractive/repulsive to a man is one thing…but consistently “thinking” like a man is what makes him…umm…a man! I agree with Delalorm Semabia in your post–there’s just something about the complexity of a woman’s vulnerability to chaos and unpredictability. At the same time, what makes a woman so phenomenal is her ability to remain beautifully feminine in the middle of it. I think the source of this reasoning, to want to think like a man, stems from a desire to simply be desired. What makes a woman desirable is how she interacts with her true aura. That energy that exudes from her true self. The more secure she is in her “womanhood” the more attractive she is. Yes, this fundamentally includes the way she thinks…like a woman. Timi…you’re brilliant!!! Great post.
    BE

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    1. There’s much to chew on in your comment; I love it.

      “I think the source of this reasoning, to want to think like a man, stems from a desire to simply be desired.”

      Hmmm . . . But to be desired as what? If love is a game of chess, then I suppose outsmarting your opponent means understanding his moves and thinking like him 😉

      I enjoyed reading what each writer brought to the table. If the post makes us agree, disagree, and/or re-examine what we think about love, relationships, gender, etc, then yes, it’s a great post. Thanks Brian, I enjoy being a woman!

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      1. Ahhhh…touche. To be desired–not necessarily as “what,” but rather as “who.” In essence, isn’t that what we all want (women and men alike)…to be desired for “who” we are? You’re correct in that there is a level of strategy involved in the game of love. I love chess because it’s not only offensive, but defensive. Like chess, each piece has a unique movement, but the entire court works together to achieve the same goal. The game of love should always culminate in both players being free to be themselves without the fear of losing love. If the whole point of “thinking like a man” is to capture, then the defense of one’s true self is compromised.

        P.S.–Don’t ever stop enjoying being a woman…LOL. You are “woman…Phenomenally.”~~Maya Angelou

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        1. “In essence, isn’t that what we all want (women and men alike)…to be desired for “who” we are?” I admit, this is what I want.

          I wrote Maya Angelou’s Phenomenal Woman on a piece of paper and carried it with me eons ago. You made me look it up XD

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      2. Thanks Dela…and you are spot on in your analysis. Simply put, the very thing that makes women powerful can also be their Achilles Heel. Their insatiable desire to nurture can turn into an unhealthy need to control. I’m afraid the only thing that thwarts that to some degree is maturity. I’m sure you can attest to the fact that for most men, there is nothing sexier than a grown woman…LOL.

        BE

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  10. Viva la Difference, Timi… on the one hand. On the other, a woman shouldn’t be limited in what she can do in this world because she is a woman. Whatever talent, skills, intelligence and drive she has, she should be able to use, –Curt

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    1. IfeOluwa aka ‘checkmate’says, “Do we even think when we fall in love?” I heard someone say we shouldn’t ‘fall’ in love, we should ‘walk’into it 🙂
      Thanks Topazo. I also took something away from each writer’s perspective.
      See you Sunday?

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      1. I never enjoyed playing chess and most card games. Too much thinking.

        If one has to plot the next move on a guy often enough, then it’s not worth (my) energy. My partner and I chuckle over our courtship which there was some “plotting” at the beginning. Thereafter, no.

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        1. Ah, plotting at the beginning of courtship XD
          The opinions are mostly geared towards those who aren’t in a relationship yet, though everyone can relate to a thing or two.

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  15. Ah! Make the move, here lies te problem: game-play language used to define the parameters of emotions and attractions….
    I’m currently trying to reach a young smart girl…but she seems to have a lot of mind games up here sleaves….i have noticed it, a friend says, if she cant be real, then, move on, i think she’s amazing, but thats how she deals with guys, to try them…however, i dont play mind games with her, i’m as real as possible…

    Mind games, to determine love…crazy world of the smarts

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  16. I have always had a lot of problems with relationship and games (even though I’m a pretty decent player every other time :D).
    I just feel two people should be able to come together ‘naked’. No fear of what she might think and how ‘weak’ I might seem there. All these games give me a headache, and like Ife said, no one wins.

    Every time I hear someone say, “Play your cards right” I honestly want to slap their face. But truth is, life and everything we are about is a dance. Maybe ‘game’ makes it seem all manipulative (and it is). But a dance? Now that’s beauty, trust, and security wrapped in a wonderful package.
    Less games and more dance 🙂

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  17. This, by Tomi, is my favourite part of the post: “Think like man; end up with none, or with one, or two, if you’re into that kind of thing. Think like a woman? Well, you really can’t if you’re a man; you’re not that clever.” Women are really the more clever part of our species; it is delusional to think otherwise.

    Then this: “Men don’t know how men think. We just shake hands, grunt, and pat our backs. But when men deal with women, usually we expect a game, a chase, a lot more drama.”

    I don’t know why people like drama. I run from it. Too often we allow ourselves to be bogged by the weight of societal expectations.

    I don’t agree with some of the things Ifeanyi said, but I admit that his is the opinion that sounds closest to what you’ll hear on the streets of Naija.

    It was great working with Timi on this and I really like the perspective of the other writers. Looking forward to the other parts of the series.

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    1. I enjoy the different perspectives that each writer brings. I glean something from each of them. I’m so glad you shared yours.

      Lol@ drama. All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages – William Shakespeare

      Since I don’t know what you disagree with in Ifeanyi’s post, I may be going out on a limb here. You know, I may not agree with some things Ifeanyi wrote, not because they aren’t true in my opinion, but because I wish they weren’t. And I may be wrong, but I think Ifeanyi is alluding to who takes the lead in relationships and the love language(s) of men.

      Steve Harvey writes:

      We’ve got to feel like we’re king, even if we don’t act kingly. Trust me, the more you make us feel like we’re special, the more we’ll give in return.

      I don’t think he’s ever been to Nigeria. 😉

      Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man, “The Three Things Every Man Needs” (page 40)

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        1. I think this is the most profound comment in the thread, Eric.

          Relationships are governed by societal and religious expectations and conditioning. As a result, human relationships vary from culture to culture.

          Despite the global nature of the internet, we are not having a universal experience. The norm in one corner of the globe does not translate across all borders.

          For that reason, I don’t really care what men (as a whole) think . . . I care about what the men I care about think.

          It’s less confusing. :mrgreen:

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  20. “…the ladies who end up with men exude care and use the power of submissiveness to full effect—the ability to massage the ego, while making the mind see reason.”

    Wow. I don’t know what to say. That line gives me mixed feelings. I’d like to believe what the author means is that when women and men love and respect each other, they break the cycle of hurt and disconnection.

    “Why don’t we ditch the games, no scheming and no faking?….Focus on being the best version of yourself….” Yass!! There’s nothing more romantic than a man who’s aware of his shortcomings but never claims to have arrived.

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    1. Maggielola, I feel you. But, here’s the thing I’ve noticed. We ask men to tell us how they feel about love and relationships. They open up and we . . . 🙂

      I may be wrong, perhaps the author will clarify, but I see massaging a man’s ego as giving him plenty ‘praise’- “Every task is an achievement . . .” If we speak their love language and they speak ours, win-win.

      I thought that quite a few gals would have a problem with that statement. The flip side is that yielding and treating him like a king makes him brandish his sword on your behalf and treat you like a queen (all things being equal). Isn’t that mutual love and respect? I guess someone will accuse me of taking us back to the dark ages XD But, I’ve lived long enough not to be moved.

      Ah games . . . I’ve forgotten how to play chess 😉

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  22. Great collation of thoughts, Timi. I love what Ife said; “The thing about manipulating love like a game is this: nobody wins”.

    “Men don’t know how men think. We just shake hands, grunt, and pat our backs” – I had a good laugh at that.

    I think all relationships are a series of ups, downs, smiles & frowns, but each situation is peculiar to the persons involved.

    I really enjoyed reading these. 🙂

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    1. That quote from Dela had me laughing as well; but he is saying so much . . .
      Ah the “game” of love . . . 🙂

      I like what you said, “Perhaps Love is our different similarity. We love differently, but we love all the same.”

      Btw, I think that after Eve convinced Adam to eat and realized her grave error, she told him to stick his fingers in his throat and vomit. But he liked the new status quo so much, he refused . . . 😉 XD

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      2. Haha..

        My mum once told me, being one body with Eve, it was impossible for Adam to refuse the fruit after she had eaten it herself.

        My 7 year old self had asked her if we’ll have sinless men and sinful women had Adam refused the fruit, dang!!

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  23. BFF and I have been happily married for 30 years . . . without playing games. Our secret ~> we allow each other to be who we are, to change and grow and learn.

    If I had to spend my time stroking a man’s ego (or pretending to be submissive) in order to stay in a relationship, I’d ditch the man and get a cat. 😛

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    2. hahahahahaha… this line has made my year!! “I’d ditch the man and get a cat”. and its coming from same person that reeled out “I don’t really care what men (as a whole) think . . . I care about what the men I care about think” … there is something about you.. don’t go changing. we all need to articulate a position that works for us.. that’s what keeps us marching on… I go with “its cos of what I did or what I didn’t do..” designed to get me a good nights rest.

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  24. “The thought that a woman who thinks like a man will end up without one is condescending to women and a joke to be fair. No woman needs to think like the next woman, much more a man. What are you doing thinking like a man? ” Delola is in point!

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