The Hook

~ livelytwist

The Hook

 

“The first time . . .”

“Ahn-ahn, it’s enough, you’ve said it before.”

“Geez! The first time they invite us to their house—”

“Stop exaggerating, these things happen—”

“What were you even thinking?”

“How was I to know—”

“Ssssh! Ssssh . . . ssssh! Someone’s coming . . .”

“I think they’ve gone can I—”

“Ssssh!”

“Can I talk now?”

“Lower your voice, I think they’re still around. . . ”

“Why don’t we just ask them for help?”

“Are you crazy? I just wish I had something bigger . . . like a stick to push it down . . .”

“Should I go downstairs and look?”

“And leave me here by myself?”

“It’s not like I’m adding value—”

“You should have thought of that before dropping the bomb. Why didn’t you try to break your—”

“It’s not my fault! We’ve been here for twenty minutes, nothing is working. Maybe they have a handyman—”

“Do you know how much that would cost? At this time of the night? I just need something—”

“I still think we should ask for help.”

“Hmmmm . . .”

“But what’s the big deal about asking for help?”

“Move back! Move back! The water is rising! Is there a mop or rag?”

“I don’t know . . . no, I can’t see any—”

“Phew! Thank God! The water is receding . . .”

“I told you not to flush again. These American toilets are funny—”

“The tissue settles at the bottom . . . something is blocking . . . it can’t move . . . How can something so big come out from someone so small?”

“I’ll just pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Pretend all you want, that won’t make your shit disappear!”

“Peju, let’s just ask for help.”

“Can you imagine me going to say, ‘I’m sorry, my wife blocked the toilet, please can you call the plumber?’?”

“Yes, I can. Everyone uses the toilet!”

“Everyone doesn’t block it!”

“If you’re not comfortable with your friends, why did you accept their invitation to stay—”

“I have an idea . . . pass me the hanger.”

“Stubborn man.”

“What did you say?”

“Their bathroom is lovely. I love the way the ivory tiles and oak—”

“Please pass—”

“This one?”

“No, the wire one.”

“Here.”

“Thanks.”

“What are you doing?”

“Ssssh someone’s coming. Turn on the shower—”

“Why?”

“So they’ll think we’re taking a shower! Just do it!”

“We can’t stay here forever.”

“Turn it off. I think this idea will work. See as I’m sweating because of you!”

“Sorry, let me use a magazine to fan you, your highness! What are you doing?”

“I’m bending the hanger into a hook then I’ll use it to fish the tissue out. Pass the bin.”

“Here.”

“Goddamn! How much tissue did you use?”

“You’ve started again!”

“Damn! If we stretch them into sheets I’m sure we’ll make two rolls.”

“Na you sabi. Please be careful—you almost dropped it on my feet!”

“Yes ma. Madam Bomber.”

“Night soil man!”

“I think I’ve got it all out. Flush—”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes . . . yes, yes!”

“Finally!”

“Please we’re only staying two nights. Hold yourself. Can you try not to shite until we leave?”

“You’re not serious!”

“First night at their house . . .  I’ve suffered! You and this your small yansh. Small but mighty!”

“Your mouth is sharp now abi? From now on, Small-but-mighty is closed for business!”

“Ahn-ahn, can’t you take a joke again . . .”

“Do not touch me with your shit hand!”

“Come, come, coooome, abeg stop forming jare, I’ve seen the size of your shit!”

 

 

©Timi Yeseibo 2015

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

34 thoughts on “The Hook”

  1. Dear Ladies, there is a moral here, marry a man who can makes shit disappear, I hate to say, am the shit guy, but yes “shit business is serious business”, if ever you find your self in a similar “shitty” situation( pun intended), don’t expect shit to smell nice, just call me…

    thoroughly enjoyed this, Timi,

    Jibola from BUS281

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  3. Ohmygosh I love this!! I love their playful banter and the openness of their relationship. I hope to have a relationship like that someday but I can do without the toilet episode.

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  7. LoL!!! Never knew shit could block the toilet sheesh 😀

    What I did though was flood someone’s toilet one time when I tried flushing and the pipe (the one inside the water tank) broke. Good grief I didn’t think I could panic that bad and sweat profusely! Water kept gushing out and I kept trying to shove my fingers into the pipe lol. Then finally my brain settles a bit and remembers I could turn the darn thing off from the tap on the wall. Lol.

    Oh what my excuse again… I think I told the maid I had tried fetching a bucket of water from the bath tub and the bucket had slipped from my hands 😛

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    1. Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. – Thomas A. Edison
      There was plenty perspiration in the bathroom! XD

      “But what’s the big deal about asking for help?” 😉

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  14. LOL… about the American Toilets and LOL LOL I was absolutely delighted to discover that this post is about when poop inconveniently clogs someone else’s toilet… that sense of mortification and high drama that ensues… you captured it all perfectly, Timi!

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  15. Only like you to blend ethics and humour with such fine intoxicating taste at the of the day.
    I tried to savour the comic but the bittersweet reality of examining our values lingers afterwards.
    Recently,I was in a similar situation at the in-laws-to-be’s house (despite my silent prayers) and I honourably called for help…

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    1. N’est-il pas étonnant de voir comment nous faire suer les petits trucs ? Tous les ce grammer et dramatiques car de crotte! Demander à un plongeur ….. monsieur et madame!!

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