To Catch a Fly

~ livelytwist

to catch a fly

 

“So, tell me, what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing?”

“My dear, nothing happened o.”

“So you mean to tell me that he stopped over at six, left at midnight, and nothing happened?”

“Well my brother was in the living room. All of us talked about general stuff, then he and my brother started talking about football—”

“Oh no—”

“They talked and talked. I left them and came back. They were still talking. So I cut eye for my brother—”

“Okay—”

“Then he left us alone.”

“Finally! And then?”

“I asked him if he was hungry abi if he wanted to eat, I don’t know again. He said yes. So I went and warmed some edikang ikong and made semo for him.”

“Did he like it?”

“Yeah, I mean he asked who made it, and we both started laughing.”

“I hope you told him it was you—”

“Why should I lie? You know it was my sister who made it—”

“Jesus! For crying out loud, the guy was checking if you know how to cook! If you’d be good wife material!”

“But I know how to cook—”

“How will he know when you invite him to your house and give him your sister’s food to eat?”

“I didn’t invite him! He said he was in the area and asked if he could stop—”

“Same difference! Then what happened?”

“I don’t appreciate your tone. Quite frankly, I am getting tired of all these your matchmaking schemes. I’m not desperate—”

“Who said anything about desperation? See yourself? This is a nice church boy—”

“Maybe that’s the problem . . .”

“Come again?”

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”

“So?”

“So what?”

“After he ate . . . did you eat too?”

“Well I wasn’t hungry . . . but I ate a little so he wouldn’t think I jazzed the food.”

“Good move.”

“Then we sha talked.”

“About?”

“You know, police shootings in America, coup in Turkey, gunman in Nice, Dino Melaye and Tinubu, church, you know . . .”

“So you were just talking until midnight?”

“Well it wasn’t midnight, after eleven.”

“Same difference. The gist must have been sweet . . .”

“Well he’s an interesting conversationalist.”

“At least he will know you have brains.”

“You make me laugh.”

“I’m serious. I overhead him saying that most girls nowadays can’t even hold a decent conversation.”

“Well, I’m not most girls—”

“I know na. So when are you seeing him again?”

“I don’t know . . . He invited me for another seminar—”

“Great! When? What are you wearing?”

“I’m not going—”

“Ah ah! Why not?”

“He keeps inviting me for these seminars. I’ve gone for seven joor, I’m tired. This one is during the week. I won’t close early enough—”

“What’s wrong with you sef? Can’t you even make small sacrifices for love?”

“Love my foot! The guy can’t even take me out for dinner! Common shawarma, he can’t even buy!”

“Shawarma? So shawarma is your problem? If you want to eat shawarma, can you not buy shawarma for yourself?”

“You don’t get it—”

“Wait, wait, wait, is there no food in the seminar?”

“You’re not getting—”

“Here we are trying to catch a fly and you’re talking about shawarma! Common shawa—”

“For your information, I am not trying to catch anything!”

“Ok sorry. I know he’s operating like slow coach. You just have to encourage him a little. He’s spoilt—”

“I think I’m just going to ask him straight up what his game plan is.”

“No o! I heard him saying he doesn’t like girls who are too direct—”

“Direct my foot! So I will just be following him to seminar?”

“Ah ah, is it because of shawa—”

“No! The problem is that if you even catch him now, you’ll be chasing him for the rest of your life. Do I look like a fly swatter?”

“Look let’s just catch the fly first—”

“Hmmm! I’m so done!”

“Ok calm down. You hear? Just calm down . . . and get ready, I’m coming over.”

“Why?”

“To buy you the shawarma . . . and strategize.”

 

©Timi Yeseibo 2016

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

61 thoughts on “To Catch a Fly”

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  6. Tchai. I feel for the guy. All the conversation going on in the back ground, like it always does, and he does not have a clue. However, that does not discount him from husband material as not all that gliters is gold..and not all that does not is sh*?. He is an onion that needs to be pealed to see what lies beneath the clueless exterior … And rapidly for the girls sake so her ‘agile’ friend cools down

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    1. But she seems to have grown impatient and weary of his ‘layers’! 🙂

      Since we cannot read people’s minds, would asking questions lead to greater clarity? But I suppose no one wants to be vulnerable, to be the first to bare their feelings …

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  7. Hi Timi,

    Ah, I enjoyed reading this, it felt like sweet “gist”. XD

    The pressure to keep up appearances, this (un)predictable song and dance between “toaster” and the “toasted”.

    It’s been a while since I last had shawarma sef. Lol

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  9. Pingback: Riposte: To Catch A Fly | livelytwist

  12. I like the dialogue. I hope you will complete the story on your blog.

    I like the character who wants to buy shawarma for her friend and strategize.
    How about just asking the guy, ‘What do you want from me’?
    Sometimes a man needs a woman to be very clear about what she wants and that she has no time for games or endless seminars. She wants to get married and wants a mature guy who is ready.
    The sooner she says what’s on her mind, the better for her.

    On the flip side, I would have followed my wife to 100 seminars if I needed to. Nothing was too much-within sane limits- to prove that I liked her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. My strategy worked quite well.

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    1. Aw, how doggedly romantic – “I would have followed my wife to 100 seminars if I needed to.”
      You gave chase.

      @The sooner she says what’s on her mind, the better for her, that’s an interesting approach. So there’s something to be said for directness.

      I also like that character. In my view she stole the ‘show’. I’m not convinced about her methods though 🙂

      Thank you so much! I’m working on getting a male perspective as a riposte to this story. I hope it works out.

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  14. Cute. Nailed it. If this is fiction, you did a bang up job of capturing how women talk. If this was non-fiction, well, you still did a great job in capturing the conversation 😉 Hmmmmm. Swarmma. Oh, and I LOVE your quote on your picture for this post!

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    1. Love makes the world go round as they say. Writing a woman’s POV that’s universally recognizable came somewhat easy to me because I’m a woman. Cultural nuances may differ, but all of us girls have had this kind of ‘strategy sessions’ with our friends. 🙂

      Thanks Lani. I like the quote too.

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  19. Sometimes it’s hard to figure what a woman really wants but I think it’s easier if men will only pay attention to the sighs, winks and chuckles.
    Women aren’t that hard that hard to figure but often times a man’s sight are fixated on things like money, career, future than affection and LOVE

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  21. Loved this, Timi! This cracked me up: “Love my foot! The guy can’t even take me out for dinner! Common shawarma, he can’t even buy!” I have had conversations like this with friends! 🙂

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  23. I like that lady. She’s so straight.
    Lemme get this: A guy willingly went to visit a lady he’s been hanging out with, found himself alone with her @11pm and was talking about Dino Melaye…lol. Maybe he just can’t close. Timi u shud write a book.

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  24. One of the greatest lessons my mother taught me was to NEVER, under any circumstances, allow a man to control you or talk down to you. Demand their respect and you’ll have a happy relationship. People will only treat you how you allow them too. Great piece, Timi!

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  25. 7 seminars!! Maka why?! I’d he trying to get a Phd in those seminars?
    Haha. After the first three bebe should have retired the fellow 😀
    It is well. The dude does seem like he needs a shove in the right direction– which is towards her goal or faarrrrr away from her path.

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  26. This reminds me of a nursery rhyme:

    There once was a woman who swallowed a fly
    I don’t know why she swallowed the fly
    I guess she’ll . . . lie

    “Why should I lie? You know it was my sister who made it—”

    “Jesus! For crying out loud, the guy was checking if you know how to cook! If you’d be good wife material!”

    I’m glad she didn’t claim credit for the food ~ better to capture a man’s heart with confidence and the art of casual conversation.

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  27. Ha ha ha ha….poor girl had already been for 7 seminars!!! She’s tired joor 😀

    Timi please we need a follow up. I really want to know what he’s up to as well.

    I see him visiting several ladies houses having good wholesome conversations with them,eating his dinners there and of course inviting them for these seminars 😀

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  30. So true, a girl is usually unsure of herself but a real woman exudes confidence not in a domineering way or by being bossy but in way that makes her attractive. A real woman knows her worth and knows she’s worthy of attention from a well deserving man! A girl on the other hand would chase after a man to get his attention and may end up loosing him to the confident woman! My conclusion from this post!

    Nice piece!

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