“So, tell me, what happened?”
“Nothing.”
“What do you mean nothing?”
“My dear, nothing happened o.”
“So you mean to tell me that he stopped over at six, left at midnight, and nothing happened?”
“Well my brother was in the living room. All of us talked about general stuff, then he and my brother started talking about football—”
“Oh no—”
“They talked and talked. I left them and came back. They were still talking. So I cut eye for my brother—”
“Okay—”
“Then he left us alone.”
“Finally! And then?”
“I asked him if he was hungry abi if he wanted to eat, I don’t know again. He said yes. So I went and warmed some edikang ikong and made semo for him.”
“Did he like it?”
“Yeah, I mean he asked who made it, and we both started laughing.”
“I hope you told him it was you—”
“Why should I lie? You know it was my sister who made it—”
“Jesus! For crying out loud, the guy was checking if you know how to cook! If you’d be good wife material!”
“But I know how to cook—”
“How will he know when you invite him to your house and give him your sister’s food to eat?”
“I didn’t invite him! He said he was in the area and asked if he could stop—”
“Same difference! Then what happened?”
“I don’t appreciate your tone. Quite frankly, I am getting tired of all these your matchmaking schemes. I’m not desperate—”
“Who said anything about desperation? See yourself? This is a nice church boy—”
“Maybe that’s the problem . . .”
“Come again?”
“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“After he ate . . . did you eat too?”
“Well I wasn’t hungry . . . but I ate a little so he wouldn’t think I jazzed the food.”
“Good move.”
“Then we sha talked.”
“About?”
“You know, police shootings in America, coup in Turkey, gunman in Nice, Dino Melaye and Tinubu, church, you know . . .”
“So you were just talking until midnight?”
“Well it wasn’t midnight, after eleven.”
“Same difference. The gist must have been sweet . . .”
“Well he’s an interesting conversationalist.”
“At least he will know you have brains.”
“You make me laugh.”
“I’m serious. I overhead him saying that most girls nowadays can’t even hold a decent conversation.”
“Well, I’m not most girls—”
“I know na. So when are you seeing him again?”
“I don’t know . . . He invited me for another seminar—”
“Great! When? What are you wearing?”
“I’m not going—”
“Ah ah! Why not?”
“He keeps inviting me for these seminars. I’ve gone for seven joor, I’m tired. This one is during the week. I won’t close early enough—”
“What’s wrong with you sef? Can’t you even make small sacrifices for love?”
“Love my foot! The guy can’t even take me out for dinner! Common shawarma, he can’t even buy!”
“Shawarma? So shawarma is your problem? If you want to eat shawarma, can you not buy shawarma for yourself?”
“You don’t get it—”
“Wait, wait, wait, is there no food in the seminar?”
“You’re not getting—”
“Here we are trying to catch a fly and you’re talking about shawarma! Common shawa—”
“For your information, I am not trying to catch anything!”
“Ok sorry. I know he’s operating like slow coach. You just have to encourage him a little. He’s spoilt—”
“I think I’m just going to ask him straight up what his game plan is.”
“No o! I heard him saying he doesn’t like girls who are too direct—”
“Direct my foot! So I will just be following him to seminar?”
“Ah ah, is it because of shawa—”
“No! The problem is that if you even catch him now, you’ll be chasing him for the rest of your life. Do I look like a fly swatter?”
“Look let’s just catch the fly first—”
“Hmmm! I’m so done!”
“Ok calm down. You hear? Just calm down . . . and get ready, I’m coming over.”
“Why?”
“To buy you the shawarma . . . and strategize.”
©Timi Yeseibo 2016
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Ha! I love this lolz. Seizing the bae that’s not ready to be seize. I bet both of them aren’t ready. I like the lady stand she is taking though,
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Lol! I’m glad you’re enjoying this.
Sometimes relationships begin in unpredictable ways. Who knows where they are headed? 🙂
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I can’t keep calm to read the next
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🙂 thank you for your enthusiastic feedback. It keeps Ife and I going!
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Tchai. I feel for the guy. All the conversation going on in the back ground, like it always does, and he does not have a clue. However, that does not discount him from husband material as not all that gliters is gold..and not all that does not is sh*?. He is an onion that needs to be pealed to see what lies beneath the clueless exterior … And rapidly for the girls sake so her ‘agile’ friend cools down
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But she seems to have grown impatient and weary of his ‘layers’! 🙂
Since we cannot read people’s minds, would asking questions lead to greater clarity? But I suppose no one wants to be vulnerable, to be the first to bare their feelings …
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Hi Timi,
Ah, I enjoyed reading this, it felt like sweet “gist”. XD
The pressure to keep up appearances, this (un)predictable song and dance between “toaster” and the “toasted”.
It’s been a while since I last had shawarma sef. Lol
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Should I come and buy you shawarma? Lol. 🙂
Let the love dance continue …
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“Toaster that invites one for 7 seminars is that one a toaster?”
“Toastee that attends 7 seminars is that one a toastee?”
May the seminarzone be in their favor.
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Lol! Whatever happened to long slow courtship? XD
“Seminarzone” had me laughing.
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One risked being zoned most of the time. Besides the guy made it look like it’s just business.
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Hahaha! Funny story! “Come into ,my parlor said the spider to the fly….”
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Lol! XD
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Just came to say hey. Come visit my blog today!
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Just did!
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I like the dialogue. I hope you will complete the story on your blog.
I like the character who wants to buy shawarma for her friend and strategize.
How about just asking the guy, ‘What do you want from me’?
Sometimes a man needs a woman to be very clear about what she wants and that she has no time for games or endless seminars. She wants to get married and wants a mature guy who is ready.
The sooner she says what’s on her mind, the better for her.
On the flip side, I would have followed my wife to 100 seminars if I needed to. Nothing was too much-within sane limits- to prove that I liked her and wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. My strategy worked quite well.
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Aw, how doggedly romantic – “I would have followed my wife to 100 seminars if I needed to.”
You gave chase.
@The sooner she says what’s on her mind, the better for her, that’s an interesting approach. So there’s something to be said for directness.
I also like that character. In my view she stole the ‘show’. I’m not convinced about her methods though 🙂
Thank you so much! I’m working on getting a male perspective as a riposte to this story. I hope it works out.
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I can’t think of a woman I know who would hang out for that, Timi. 🙂 At least not after the first or second time. –Curt
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Seven times lucky, she was not! XD
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Cute. Nailed it. If this is fiction, you did a bang up job of capturing how women talk. If this was non-fiction, well, you still did a great job in capturing the conversation 😉 Hmmmmm. Swarmma. Oh, and I LOVE your quote on your picture for this post!
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Love makes the world go round as they say. Writing a woman’s POV that’s universally recognizable came somewhat easy to me because I’m a woman. Cultural nuances may differ, but all of us girls have had this kind of ‘strategy sessions’ with our friends. 🙂
Thanks Lani. I like the quote too.
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Hmmm Timi I have just read this. Full comment coming up….Lol
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Lol 😉
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wow mmmmmh this is some memories
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Lol! :). I hope good memories.
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Haha… Seminars can be good but she wants Sharwama, he has to pay attention!!
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Lol! Common shawarma 😉
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Brilliant
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Thank you Derrick!
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Sometimes it’s hard to figure what a woman really wants but I think it’s easier if men will only pay attention to the sighs, winks and chuckles.
Women aren’t that hard that hard to figure but often times a man’s sight are fixated on things like money, career, future than affection and LOVE
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Hi Joshua, I welcome and appreciate your male perspective. Enlightening.
I guess this guy in question, his sight was blinded by his fixation on ….. (drum roll), …. seminars! Lol 😉
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Hmmmmm…. Timi, so real. I am waiting for your book joor.
I love that lady, knows what she wants just like a proper lady should.
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Hi Eby, Yes o. I think she’s got some standards even though it might appear that she likes the guy. But her match-making friend though … Lol! XD
@book, thanks!
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Yea, likes the guy and obviously needs him but not frustrated
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The match-making friend is a typical one, we all have them.
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Loved this, Timi! This cracked me up: “Love my foot! The guy can’t even take me out for dinner! Common shawarma, he can’t even buy!” I have had conversations like this with friends! 🙂
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Ha ha 🙂
Girlfriends are the best. Even the incorrigible match-maker ones!
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funny and real……enjoyed it.
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Glad you did 🙂
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I like that lady. She’s so straight.
Lemme get this: A guy willingly went to visit a lady he’s been hanging out with, found himself alone with her @11pm and was talking about Dino Melaye…lol. Maybe he just can’t close. Timi u shud write a book.
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That may be it, “Maybe he just can’t close.” XD
@book, thanks.
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One of the greatest lessons my mother taught me was to NEVER, under any circumstances, allow a man to control you or talk down to you. Demand their respect and you’ll have a happy relationship. People will only treat you how you allow them too. Great piece, Timi!
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An awesome lesson!
Thanks Jill.
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7 seminars!! Maka why?! I’d he trying to get a Phd in those seminars?
Haha. After the first three bebe should have retired the fellow 😀
It is well. The dude does seem like he needs a shove in the right direction– which is towards her goal or faarrrrr away from her path.
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Ha ha ha. Yeah, maybe he’s a PhD candidate. XD
I’m leaning towards pushed or shoved away from her path!
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This reminds me of a nursery rhyme:
There once was a woman who swallowed a fly
I don’t know why she swallowed the fly
I guess she’ll . . . lie
“Why should I lie? You know it was my sister who made it—”
“Jesus! For crying out loud, the guy was checking if you know how to cook! If you’d be good wife material!”
I’m glad she didn’t claim credit for the food ~ better to capture a man’s heart with confidence and the art of casual conversation.
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So very well put:
“better to capture a man’s heart with confidence and the art of casual conversation.”
I concur.
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Ha ha ha ha….poor girl had already been for 7 seminars!!! She’s tired joor 😀
Timi please we need a follow up. I really want to know what he’s up to as well.
I see him visiting several ladies houses having good wholesome conversations with them,eating his dinners there and of course inviting them for these seminars 😀
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Lol@ free home-cooked meals! XD
I wonder what Miss I-already-attended-7-seminars intends to do going forward …. But her friend though … *smh*
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Haha! Direct my foot! So I will just be following him to seminar?”
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Lol! A girl deserves to know, right? 🙂
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For sure. No ” tym” to waste : )
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😂😆😂
😄, slow coach with no clear destination.
Director, can we get another perspective on this? Maybe his own?
👍🏾
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Hey Tony, my friends and I were just thinking the same thing! XD
No promises, but I’ll see what I can make happen.
Lol@ slow coach with no clear destination. 🙂
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So true, a girl is usually unsure of herself but a real woman exudes confidence not in a domineering way or by being bossy but in way that makes her attractive. A real woman knows her worth and knows she’s worthy of attention from a well deserving man! A girl on the other hand would chase after a man to get his attention and may end up loosing him to the confident woman! My conclusion from this post!
Nice piece!
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“A real woman knows her worth and knows she’s worthy of attention …”
This is confidence 🙂
Thanks!
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