Should a person’s past sexual history matter in their current relationship?Last week and the week before, it would seem that shame made our main character defensive. This week, Ife Nihinlola delves into the mind of her boyfriend.
Riposte: To Call A Fly
“Dude, somehow, we’ve not had lunch together this week. Is this office making us slave that much or you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Avoiding you? When you’re not my landlady who wants to hook me up with her niece?”
“Look at you. Hot cake! Mr. Loverman! Anyway sha, how is the madam?”
“What madam?”
“You want to start playing word games again? You know who I’m talking about. How is she?”
“She dey.”
“Wetin? Trouble in paradise?”
“You must think life is a Mexican telenovela, with these your corny lines.”
“Just answer my question. Or are you guys fighting already?”
“Not really. We are probably just not compatible after all.”
“That is what men say when they find out the woman they like already has a daughter approaching puberty. Suddenly, compatibility becomes an issue like Windows 97.”
“You must think this is a joke.”
“No, really. Tell me—”
“Tell you what?”
“Or is it her body count?”
“Why do you have to mention that now?”
“So it is body count. You children of nowadays.”
“I didn’t mention body count.”
“But you’re not saying I’m wrong.”
“You can’t understand.”
“Can’t understand what? See, what a woman did before she met you, all the lives she lived, all the people she’s been with, only matters as much as you allow it.”
“Okay. It’s not about body count. Are you happy now? It’s about other things in our lives… you know… ermm… experience and all that jazz.”
“All that jazz? Now who has the corny lines? See, the past doesn’t matter. It’s all gone, and nothing can be done about it. That’s why we call it the past.”
“Wow! All you need is a shiny suit, oxford shoes, a haircut shaped by a calligrapher, and you’ll be a perfect motivational speaker!”
“You think this is funny abi? It’s your love life you’re joking with. Not mine. And see, it’s about to evaporate in your very before. You’ll grow old and little girls will end up using pictures of your unmarried big head with grey hair for bae goals on Instagram.”
“I already told you. You can’t understand.”
“Can’t understand what now?”
“Okay. Let’s put it this way. How… how much upper hand did you allow your wife have when you guys were courting?”
“Upper hand? What is this? Table tennis? Hehehehe! See, someone is always going to have to be the mumu in a relationship. Too bad you’re the one in this case.”
“That’s not what I asked you?”
“So? What is my own? Better come to terms with how you feel about this lady and be a man.”
“Be a man, seriously?”
“Nah. Not in the way you’re about to think. I’m saying you should stop worrying about things you can’t change, and take charge of your emotions. Show this woman you love her if you do, not all this past nonsense you’re talking about.”
“I don’t know. I already said you wouldn’t understand.”
“Can’t understand what exactly? This woman doesn’t deserve this indecisive nonsense you’re doing. Either commit or commot, but please, don’t waste her time.”
“I hear you. I’ll call her.”
“I’m not asking you to call her. But if you want to, better make up your mind. See lunch is almost over. Are you eating or not?”
______________
Hey
23.20
Hey
23.50
Asleep yet?
23.55
What do you think?
23.56
I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.
23.57
I have some work to do before sleeping.
00.00
I actually thought you’d dumped the old lady and gone after a good virgin.
00.05
Smh. You know we have to talk, right?
00.05
Really? You think so?
00.06
Yeah.
00.08
So is this going to be like a confession where you’re the priest and I’m the sinner?
00.14
Smh. Who said anything about sins?
00.15
Okay. I don’t know o. Can we do it now?
00.18
Not really. We’ll have to fix a date or something.
I’m already feeling sleepy
00.19
Okay.
00.21
Can I call you tomorrow?
00.21
Sure
00.22
I’ll also be the one to choose the place,
somewhere I don’t have to lose my
teeth trying to read the menu.
00.23
Whatever makes you happy… Junior 🙂
00.24
Really?!!!
00.25
*lips sealed*
00.26
Hope you’re good sha?
00.27
Yes I am. Thank you for asking.
00.27
You’re welcome. I’ll call tomorrow
afternoon, old lady.
00.28
Don’t call me that! 😦
00.28
Call you what? 😉
00.29
You there?
00.35
Good night.
00.40
Good night. Till tomorrow.
00.45
Mumu in vernacular means, a fool.
Commot: to move away
Wetin: what
©Ife Nihinlola 2016 @ IfeOluwa’s Rambles
©Timi Yeseibo 2016
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
livelytwist 
. Funny enough the guy and I had many things in common including this dating aspect. So I thought someone perhaps was snooping on me Lol! The whole thing was going fine until she mess up everything by herself , it was so painful because I really like her irrespective of the age different. Its past now though but this story reminds me of it
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We’re glad the story restated strongly with you! 🙂
Godspeed with finding the one who makes your heart sing.
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Lol @ someone who makes your heart sing. I pray so too. Thanks
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Yes!!! *rubs palms together in pure delight*
But then he had to chip in ‘old lady’.SMH. Somebody hit Junior on the head for me.
Good.
Thank you.
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Lol. She calls him Junior, so I guess they are even? 🙂
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This is great, Timi! It totally brings back memories of some relationships I’ve had. 🙂
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🙂 I hope those relationships panned out well in the end?
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The way she says Junior ehn, but this fly? Remember “nah stubborn fly dey follow dead body enter grave,” ( Please you can interprete, it didn’t sound right when I tried it in English)
Nice work Ife, but must I enjoy this torture till next Sunday?
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Lol. I’m not sure a translation is needed for that saying. It’s in pidgin English after all. As for the stubbornness of the fly, when you consider that wars have been fought because of it, this should look like child’s play. Thank you for following the story. Sunday is right around the corner. Hold on tight.
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Lol… I know right?! Some things sound better in Pidgin English, any other way and it sounds watery and diluted, like an inferior version of the original. XD
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Relationships don’t survive without trust and honesty. Nicely done, Ife. I love the quote too!
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Thank you Jill. The quote is all Timi though. She deserves all the credit for it.
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“See, what a woman did before she met you, all the lives she lived, all the people she’s been with, only matters as much as you allow it.”
I quiet agree, but I do have my reservation, great advice and am happy junior is taking charge.
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What could those reservations be, Freeman?
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Good friends who give objective advice without shoving it down your throat are always a double plus in relationships.
I also like the fact that Junior is finally taking charge very admirable quality in a man.
Kudos to the writers and thanks for keeping us entertained.
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Indecisiveness isn’t a good look on anyone. Taking charge is the new six packs. 🙂
Thank you for sticking with us this far.
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I like that ‘ taking charge is the next 6 pack’. Lol!
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Hi Ife,
This was full of brilliant one-liners. I must have laughed my head off @ “All you need is a shiny suit, oxford shoes, a haircut shaped by a calligrapher, and you’ll be a perfect motivational speaker!” The mental image was hilarious. XD
Ah, the body count debate. To tell (ask) or not to tell (ask), now that is the question.
I enjoyed reading this, I am actually impressed that Senior and Junior both have confidants that give them solid advice .
The whatsapp chat was my favourite part. It took her a whole 30 minutes to reply “hey”, I bet it was intentional. Lol
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Lol. Motivational speakers make these things quite easy. They never go off-script with the appearance.
We’ve all been there: that WhatsApp suspense where the other person takes forever to reply, even when they’re online (I can’t be the only one here, please).
I’m really glad you enjoyed it. We can only hope to be as good friends to ours as Junior and Senior’s confidants were.
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I really love that quote, The greatest distance between two people is misunderstanding” So very true!
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Yes it is, Gbadebo. Thank you for reading.
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Kai, I like your dialogues, Ife. Sha, the past matters hugely. Don’t account for it properly and you’ll head out into the open sea of life with a leak in your ‘ship. Account for it properly and you’ll be able to deal with any future shocks. Trust is built with the bricks of shared secrets among other things.
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I’m glad you like them, Odii. Yes, the past matters, but hopefully in ways that doesn’t hinder the good of the present.
“Trust is built on the bricks of shared secrets among other things.” Right on the money.
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😆😊😊sweet. This one is hope infected, so yes!
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“Hope does not disappoint” so says the good book. I hope that will be true in this case. 🙂
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I agree with you!
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