February some say is the month of love. Work that should have been finished in January dragged into February and filled February with editing and late-night reviews. It meant that I put new projects on hold, but who was keeping tabs when love was in the air?
“How old are you?” I asked the man who seemed smitten by me.
“Thirty-six.”
“And you’re not married?”
He started to explain the difficulties of finding the girl of his dreams, and I realized he had read my question wrong.
“I just wanted to know if you’re married,” I said softly when he paused for air.
“Oh?” he said, and then smiled, reminding me of the way he looked a few days earlier, when he had accosted me at the supermarket with, “Let me help you, you look tired.”
I had been dragging my feet behind my shopping cart as though the sum of the hardships of living in Lagos, sat in it. He charmed me into small talk and out of my phone number.
Later when he called, his many compliments and my thanksgiving done away with, there did not seem to be anything left to say. I was surprised that a man, who had used a shopping cart effectively, could not find his voice. He must have interpreted my silence as a semi-colon because he said, “Your driver seems nice,” referring to that night when my driver retrieved my shopping cart from him and loaded its content into my car.
My driver is not nice; my driver thinks he should be my boss, but I did not tell him that. I asked him about his line of work instead of putting a full stop at the end of his sentence.
I persevered to get to know him because I am curious about people, not because my friend had said, “You never know, why not give him a chance?”
But I knew. A woman knows. I knew that I did not always want to be the one to steer conversation to a place of interest for both of us. I knew that I could not continue receiving SMS messages like this:
Gud mrn pretty. hw waz ur nyt. u r sum1 worth reely lykng. deres just sumtin abt u. hapi Sunday.
I would not, and none of my friends, would abbreviate their text messages like that. It would take too much brainpower.
“I think he lied to me,” I said to my friend, “about being thirty-six.”
I replayed several incidents for her to decide. They revolved around language, or rather the lack of it.
“Or maybe he is thirty-six, but his brain is nineteen.”
We laughed; it seemed altogether plausible.
When our laughter subsided, I accused her of being cruel. She quoted Chavez, “Our language is the reflection of ourselves. A language is an exact reflection of the character and growth of its speakers.”
I was troubled by her inference. Wasn’t the shorthand way he fashioned text messages a positive measure of his ability to adapt to a mobile culture? Weren’t his text messages a genre of contemporary poetry; language is fluid, after all? Or, was it not more likely that the eight years between us equal a generation gap because as some have said, a different language is a different vision of life?
“Let’s keep it simple,” she replied. “It is either he’s nineteen or you are a grammar snob.”
In March, all my delusions will fall off.
© Timi Yeseibo 2017
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
My son is born in February…. Please read mine and comment. https://readbetweenthelines.blog
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
Hahaha
LikeLike
Thanks! I apologize for my late reply. I’m just seeing your comment because unfortunately, it went to spam.
LikeLike
Ah Timi, no one writes like you do. XD
I laughed so hard at @ “Gud mrn pretty. hw waz ur nyt. u r sum1 worth reely lykng. deres just sumtin abt u. hapi Sunday.” I didn’t see it coming at all.
Too much brain power, Exactly! It’s a turn off for me, more so when supposed adults write emails in what I consider to be the “Millennials’ Amputated Lingo”
No, I don’t think it’s a “positive measure of his ability to adapt to a mobile culture”, it’s simply laziness. Laziness to craft full-grown words in sentences. Or Illiteracy. The inability to spell words properly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha, laziness or illiteracy!
I thought it was mainly my ‘generation’ irritated by the “Millennials’ Amputated Lingo”. I’m glad that people like you are turned off, though I’m not sure we can reverse the trend. I’ve seen some sequenced short stories on Twitter, with abbreviations that garner plenty likes and retweets. Makes me wonder if the story is more important than the grammar style … but we were talking about SMS to someone you admire … I digressed 🙂
Thanks ‘Nedu for your compliment.
LikeLike
‘Or maybe he’s thirty-six, but his brain is nineteen’.
*Sigh* Recurring horror story, I tell you. It’s ridiculous. And no, you’re not a grammar snob please.
Btw I rrly rrly lrrv d wy u writ. So brtiful, kewl n klirn).
(That’s text speak in Nigerian ‘fone’)
P.S: A girl always knows. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad to see that you can relate 🙂
I was able to decipher your text speak except for: kewl n klirn
Help please! 🙂
LikeLike
Lol. Cool and clean.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lol ok, thanks for clarifying. 🙂
LikeLike
XD
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahahah. Love it. Be a grammar snob. A girl knows, right? xxoo
LikeLiked by 1 person
A girl knows … well, a lot of the times. 🙂
Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The line that told the whole story for me was this one: “I knew that I did not always want to be the one to steer conversation to a place of interest for both of us.” When conversation is difficult between two people, the relationship is all effort, no fun.
LikeLiked by 3 people
So true.
LikeLike
“I knew that I could not continue receiving SMS messages like this:
Gud mrn pretty. hw waz ur nyt. u r sum1 worth reely lykng. deres just sumtin abt u. hapi Sunday.”
Timi, you made me laugh! I would have felt the same way! Communicating takes time and effort. Sounds like he could put more effort into communicating.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think so too … but does he have the language? Here’s an interesting quote: the limits of my language are the limits of my world.
LikeLike
Chaii!! Auntie, u haff finished the man ohh
😭😭😭😭 on his behalf
LikeLiked by 2 people
🙂 But the converse is true also … my language limits me too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Smart one👏👏👏👏
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Or maybe he is thirty-six, but his brain is nineteen.” You’re lucky, Timi. When I was playing the dating game, most of the men I encountered had the brain of a twelve-year old…and that was on a good night. 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ouch!
LikeLike
You are not a grammar snob but I would never interpret your silence as a semicolon. Language is pretty important and it is, as you say, a refection of who we are. I must say I find the abbreviations some people use in text messages to be very annoying. I don’t do it unless I am making a point or trying to be funny. No, I like language and the use of words and admire those who use it well. That would be a big red flag for me and a turn off.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw, thanks for redeeming my reputation …
This quote by Naom Chomsky got me thinking, though like you I prefer shorthand that’s closer to the English language.
Language is a process of free creation; its laws and principles are fixed, but the manner in which the principles of generation are used is free and infinitely varied. Even the interpretation and use of words involves a process of free creation.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah! Good quote from the great linguist himself!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The devils are out to play @xceptional43 and Tomi 😅😅😅😅
Although I must admit that reading the text took a lot of brain cells, but you are a grammar snob ohhh.😷😷
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lol @ brain cells, my point exactly.
@ grammar snob, oh dear me. In March, I face my delusions. 🙂
LikeLike
Life imitating art in entirely uncool and imperfect ways. Only if we could listen to the version of this story he related to his guys.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Given what you’ve gleaned of his character, wanna write his version? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol. Why not? And in text language to boot.
LikeLiked by 2 people
🙂 XD
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi ife,
I’m looking forward to his own side of the story, the abbreviated version.
Text-speak might conveniently leave out the salient bits, like her obvious lack of interest. Still, Emoticons would save the day! 😀
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lol @ emoticons. I wish those tings could do as much as we want them to already, but nah, biko, it’s hard enough trying to read text-speak, adding emoticons is just looking for wahala. I should be able to do an abbreviated version once I’m done sorting out all my Lagos hustle for the week.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I rili lyk d gyz way of writin nd I tink u shld giv him a chance.
Hapi Sunday, Timi 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha ha 🙂 🙂
He didn’t speak the way he wrote … thank goodness, but he didn’t have a lot to say, to engage me or hold my interest …
LikeLiked by 1 person
“Gud mrn pretty. hw waz ur nyt. u r sum1 worth reely lykng. deres just sumtin abt u. hapi Sunday.”
Bhet Aunti dis tin is nor bad nah. Hapi Sunday too. I reely lyke reading ur post 2. It makes my sundays komplet.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Remember the months it took me to realise Bhet means but😩
Mobile shorthand police here: I rili lyk readg ur post 2. It mks my sundays kmplt😅😅😅😅😅😅
LikeLiked by 2 people
And you had to shorthand my shorthand.
Bhet y?
😂😂😂😂😂
Ps: The current evolution of Nigerian English is epic.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Really epic. Sometimes when i get messages, I just forward to some friends to translate for me because they seem to be written in another language😕
LikeLiked by 2 people
😂😂😂
I have been hoarding a blog post on the evolution of the English Language in my head for some weeks now. You just gave me permission to release it.
Assin ah cannor kip ett nymore. Who hoarding epp?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ask Auntie Timi😆😆. Lemme coman be going.
Waiting for your blog post
LikeLiked by 2 people
We are waiting eagerly … 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lolz.
Hopefully it comes out right.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know! 🙂
LikeLike
Police away! 🙂
Bhet means but? It’s longer than but! smh
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha 🙂
Not bad, huh? Ok, continuu … XD
Thanks, I’m glad Livelytwist adds value to your Sundays.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You have a driver? 😀
And another “Junior” pursuing you? 😀 😀
Loved this description ~> “I had been dragging my feet behind my shopping cart as though the sum of the hardships of living in Lagos, sat in it.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
I remember “Junior” , series was lit! ✌✌
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah man! 🙂 Though we (Ife & I) made it up as we wrote… who knew that I’d face something (remotely) similar, a few months down the road … 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
@ driver, yes I do. It’s the norm here. If you lived here, you would too. 🙂
Have I written about Junior pursuing me before? That series, To Catch A Fly, was fiction. 🙂 🙂
@ description, thanks. On that day, it felt like it.
LikeLike
Maybe you wrote this “Junior” into being with that series! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha! XD
LikeLike
“It would take too much brainpower” in other words, so much mental efforts and I agree intoto – ha that was one sms indeed
LikeLiked by 2 people
Lol, seems like another language altogether 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny stuff happens in February 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person