Stats, Search Engine Terms & You

April 26, 2015November 3, 2017 ~ livelytwist ~ 45 Comments

WordPress spared me the trouble of spreadsheets, charts, and graphs by providing Livelytwist’s annual report for 2014. Here are some highlights to mark Livelytwist’s second anniversary.

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 26,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 10 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

In 2013, Livelytwist was viewed about 13,000 times. By 2014, this doubled. The growth in number of views reminds me of a chorus sung in some Nigerian Pentecostal circles, everything na double double! What’s in a number? I publish articles once a week about subjects that don’t involve Kim Kardashian—the numbers tell me people still care about what I say.

At least one person in every continent, in 105 countries, viewed Livelytwist in 2013. Come 2014, Livelytwist travelled farther, touching down in ten more countries. Although we complain about the internet, it remains the universal passport, which defies visa restrictions. It is how I met you. Most visitors came from the United States. Nigeria and United Kingdom were not far behind, and The Netherlands and Canada made a strong showing as well.

These posts received the most views in 2014.

1. The Love Languages of Nigerians [posted July 2014]

2. The Body Magic [posted April 2013]

3. Open Letter to Akpos [posted May 2013]

4. I am Not Looking For Love, I am Going to Work [posted August 2013]

5. A Father’s Love [posted June 2013]

According to WordPress,

Some of your most popular posts were written before 2014. Your writing has staying power! Consider writing about those topics again.

To me staying power is distilling current events in a way that transcends the present so an article remains relevant, year after year. Search engine robots also drove traffic to these posts judging by the most popular search words. Search engine terms are words and phrases people enter into various search engines like Google, Yahoo, and Bing that land them on Livelytwist.

A random sampling of the search terms shows my indebtedness to the creators of Akpos, a male character around whom many Nigerian jokes revolve, and to Ardyss for their corset, Body Magic. And yes, to romance and love. Below, I make my case.

A self-deprecating post about my struggle with weight and the Body Magic may be what bring these die-hard seekers to Livelytwist.

Search Engine Terms

magic chant for a round butt

When you find it let me know so I can retire early!

how to wear a body magic despite the pain to hide belle fat

Lol, vanity involves pain; just do it.

anything similar to body magic but cheaper

E.x.e.r.c.i.s.e maybe?

i hav flesh coming out from under my arms after wearing a body magic?

What did you expect? To drop 2 or 3 dress sizes?

A tongue-in-cheek stab at the ubiquitous Akpos, means that Akpos, and all things Akpos, are the search terms that bring the most traffic to my blog.

Search Engine Terms

akpose comedy – na we dey here

What can I say? Akpos wins year after year.

what will i do so that i can be receiving akpos joke every day as text message on my phone

So, someone actually typed this into Google?

i have a dream by akpos

That one day _ _ _ _ (fill in the blanks)

naija jokes that will thumble the girls and make them shout

Girls beware!

Naija loaded akpos comedy

There in four words, the problem with Nigeria!

Every time I write about love, my stats go boom boom boom! But, what’s love got to do with these search engine terms?

Search Engine Terms

social network to find girls phone number or pin that are ready for marraige in nigeria 2014

This is not a dating site.

i am looking for love

I repeat, this is not a …

i want to friendship nigerian in mumbai

This is not a 419 site!

when will a female want a male to stop stroking

No comments. My lawyers are already writing Google. #DefamationOfCharacter

when a woman acts up it means you pull her hair and show her whos boss

Osanobua! I haven’t even watched, not to talk of reviewed Fifty shades of Grey. I reject it!

i am tired of her in nigerian language

I apologise on behalf of all good Nigerian men.

timi yeseibo married

Get a life, read The Economist!

Thankfully, these search engine terms reveal what the others may or may not: Livelytwist actually offers something intellectual.

Search Engine Terms

third world cultural profiles

Sociology majors welcome here.

what are the relationship between satire and social transformation

Satire can act as an agent of social transformation. Next question?

let there be peace in the land of my birth ( nigeria). Essay

Indeed peace is a necessary ingredient for growth.

can an enemy be killed by splashing holy water on its picture

Like seriously? It is well. Blame it on my post, Your Enemies Shall Never Succeed!

And these search engine terms remind me of why I do what I do…

Search Engine Terms What I Think

am bored..keep me lively pls

Came to the right place, read on.

latest blog by timi yeisibo-lively twist

Aw, sweet. People want to read Livelytwist!

livelytwist timi

So glad you found me!

A report tells one side of the story. I would love to hear your side. So what brought you here? Search engine? Facebook? Twitter? WordPress Reader? Other? And if you blog or have a website, what search engine terms drive traffic to your blog?

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What Brought You Here?

November 10, 2013July 7, 2015 ~ livelytwist ~ 38 Comments

The WordPress Stats page is an invaluable tool for bloggers who want to track growth and progress of their blogs. Bloggers receive a summary of blog views by country, top posts and pages viewed, referrers, which are clicks from other sites that link to theirs, and search engine terms, among others.

So far, my biggest referrer is Facebook followed by search engine terms. Search engine terms are words or phrases that people searching the internet use to land on your blog. That search engines drive substantial traffic to my blog is a pleasant surprise because I don’t have an SEO strategy neither do I optimise my content for search engines. It would be too stifling. I would spend too many hours agonising over words. Of course I agonise over words so that what you read flows as effortlessly as rivers over boulders.

The most popular search term that brings people to my blog? Akpos, all things Akpos. Akpos is a fictitious character around whom many Nigerian jokes revolve. I wrote Open Letter to Akpos, a few months ago because I grew weary of multiple BlackBerry Messenger broadcasts of Akpos jokes. Little did I realise that my mini-protest would lift my blog to greater prominence on search engine radars.

Like water on a day when the sun’s heat can fry eggs on car bonnets, Akpos is the antidote to the hassles of Naija life. Unconvinced? Below are a few search terms that brought people to my blog.

Search Engine Terms My Take

Long list of jokes about akpos – so you’re currently unemployed?

Akpos meaning? – when you find out let me know

Sweet akpos jokes – are there bitter ones?

Akpos I have a dream – so did Martin Luther King… and Obama had the audacity to change

Akpos bbm pin only – na becos of una I bin write Akpos letter

Akpos jokes of the day – copycat! nor be so Basketmouth hammer; write your own jokes!

Akpos goodmorning jokes – for real? wouldn’t you rather have coffee?

Akpos funny stories – you nor enter molue this morning?

Googleakposjokes – amebo, go find work

Best of Akpos at the top – please see “my Oga at the top”

Akpos funny love letters – run Ekaette, run!

Need story of Akpos – ehnn, for what?

Naija loaded akpos comedy – there in four words, the problem with Nigeria!

Since I’ve written about life in Nigeria, I see why search engines referred these searches to my blog.

Search Engine Terms My Take

the beginning of Naigeria – this is deep, really deep @Naigeria

God created Nigeria, discuss – required essay for secondary school leavers

I am so glad to know you grew up in Nigeria. I am from Nigeria – nice to meet you too

God of Nigerians – god of corruption, tribalism & comedy

returning to live in Nigeria – abeg shine ya eye well well!

Exchange rate Nigeria baits to uk pound – say what?

Is it legal to urinate in public in Nigeria? – oyibo, is this your first visit to Nigeria?

I want to wash naija film – yes o! wash it clean of the ten- minute credit roll at the start of the movie!

Night+with+naija+full+movies – and what a night it shall be!

Don’t ask to touch my earrings – okay now! sme sme, I won’t

funny naija post to make my room lively – sms AkposJokes N10/sms

Lively things to do with my blackberry – hmmm….

Business woman rides on man – nothing and I mean nothing I’ve written on this blog should make anyone land here using this search term! I’m suing Google!

The Body Magic is the post with the highest views on my blog. Perhaps because I expose my insecurities about my weight? Go figure! Not surprisingly, people land on my blog when searching for:

Girl magic weight gain butt – need I say more?

Body magic not tight – check the label; made in China?

Body magic won’t fit over hips – sis, I feel you

Body magic money – yes, you can make money selling body magic #womenarevaincreatures

The body is magic – *wink wink*

Magic in my body – it’s called fat

Where can body magic bra be found in Nigeria – send me your BB pin

So what brought you here? Search engine? Facebook? Twitter or WordPress Reader? And, what search engine terms drive traffic to your blog? Tell, o tell!

WordPress 104… In Search of Content

August 25, 2013 ~ livelytwist ~ 20 Comments

When I wake up, I do not panic. I turn around and enjoy the darkness. I capture my enjoyment of it—the silence, my breathing, and tracing the bizarre shapes floating on the ceiling—in long lazy stretches. But too quickly, it slips through my fingers like water in cupped hands.

Pop! And my brain takes over. It is 1 a.m. on Friday and I don’t have a post for Sunday, which is when I update my blog.

My idea book is filled with words, phrases, whole paragraphs even, written when inspiration caught me mid-cooking, mid-vacuuming, mid-driving, mid-praying, and mid-listening-to-the-C.E.O.-at-the-company-meeting. Each spree ends with the acronym T.B.D.L. (to be developed later). Words that I imagined would bring me fame, have lain there, on hiatus, waiting to be developed later.

This small exercise book is a contradiction of who I am, for I am as organised as the T that begins my name. However, here, my words begin inside the margin and jump the lines, leaping over the light blue boundaries that would suffocate my creativity. I recognise the frenzy of inspiration and the rush of words tumbling from my mind, in my illegible handwriting.

As I scan through, in the glow of my bedside lamp, nothing I read seizes my attention. I cannot strike the balance between what I want to write and what I think my readers want to read, so I power my laptop. If I read other blogs, perhaps I will find it.

Browsing is an apt term for what I do. Channel surfing paints a truer picture. I join the millions who roam the internet foraging for content. Too much choice is a bad thing. It can leave you undernourished instead of well-fed. Skimming headlines, clicking links, scanning blocks of text, skimming headlines again, I am a victim of “content anorexia”. I eat, but I do not digest, never able to hold anything down.

After a while, I see the word diaspora. It is spelt with a capital D in the middle of a sentence, a straight line and a curve that scream my name. Something doesn’t feel right. The pieces come together. Aha, I have spelt diaspora with a small d on my blog.

My weakness shows when my strength is magnified. It is painful to watch. Perfectionism drives me to find the post on my blog. Perfectionism drives me to start a Google search. Too much choice is a bad thing. I cannot cover the 3,647,400 results, which Google search engines deliver in 0.29 seconds, but I can try.

Diaspora from the Greek, meaning scattering, dispersion…. Diaspora, often initial capital letter…. Spell check the word diaspora on our website…. the body of Jews living in countries outside Israel…. African diaspora… the slave trade and its effects…. Diaspora cultures … the dispersion of communities throughout the world. The diaspora of English into several mutually incomprehensible languages…. The Polish diaspora amounts to 40 million… How to say diaspora in Swahili…

When my alarm goes off at 5:45 a.m., I think about three things:

One, that this is the alarm before the real alarm. It is the alarm that I “snooze” while I attempt a half-sleep, punctuated by thoughts of the real alarm.

Two, that I was right. I had spelt diaspora correctly with a small d, which was suitable for my context. This small victory does not bring elation.

Three, that I do not yet have a blog post for Sunday.

My eyelids now feel as though cement bags were dropped on them. And adrenaline departs from me in waves, rousing pain in my limbs. I know much more about diaspora than I ever intended to know. In secondary school, a teacher once said that no knowledge is ever wasted. What will I do with all this information I gathered about diaspora, information that is already fading away, slipping as I am, under my sheets?

The real alarm buzzes at 6:15 a.m., and I “dismiss” it without thinking, for nature exacts her pound of flesh.

When I wake up again, I panic. Light streams through the blinds and I know I need a miracle. 7:05 a.m., in the shower. 7:13 a.m., dressed. I have never put on make-up in the train, but there is always a first time. My black bag is big enough to hold my life, so I toss the things I need and the things I think I will need inside, and because I cannot remember if I brushed my teeth, I fling in my toothbrush and toothpaste for good measure.

7:19 a.m., I begin the sprint. I see a man walking his dog, shoulders hunched up, chin half-buried inside his coat, in contrast, my coat is open, its tails flapping in the wind. And for once the cold is my friend.

7:23 a.m., I stumble into the bus. So, what if people are staring at me? When I flop into my seat, I drink in gulps of air and think, Usain Bolt ain’t got nothing on me; no, nothing, except age! Up diaspora!