“What are you afraid of?” He asked.
“Nothing,” I replied, shaking my head as if that would make it true.
I did not think I was afraid. I tried to explain the sense I had, which had nagged me for months, that I was on the threshold of something new. I bolstered my explanation by rambling about the diminishing passion I had for my blog; yes, yes, yes, disciplined focus had kept me going, bla, bla, bla, but . . . Was it the move or the upheavals or the new responsibilities? What had sucked zest from me, as when the bath plug is lifted, soapsuds disappear suddenly, vooom, down the drain?
If you are like me, you ramble about events—a pause here, a recollection there, an unrelated trivia woven in the mix—walking through the maze that is your life, to make sense of your journey and to ensure you are not speeding away from the, as yet, unspecified destination.
My friends are patient listeners, facilitating my journey with subtle signals from the control tower, never attempting to pilot my plane. My conclusions can only be authentically mine, if I arrive at them by myself.
“Hmmm, so are you licking dry river beds then?”
We laughed at his allusion to the story of a prophet called Elijah. I had heard him tell it more than once.
Elijah was a prophet who once called down fire down from heaven. During a famine, ravens brought him food, and he drank water from a brook. Then one day, the brook dried up because it hadn’t rained in ages. The way my friend tells it, Elijah had a few choices. He could remain at the brook, licking up every last molecule of water from the riverbed because he had been divinely sent there. He could even attempt to command water to gush, geyser-style from the riverbed; after all, he wielded power. Or, he could open his heart to embrace something new.
My friend was asking me if I had become stuck in my comfort and safety zone.
“You know that when Elijah left the brook, he went on to provide food for not only himself but also a widow and her son. That’s greater relevance and impact,” he continued.
I nodded. “Yeah, yeah . . .”
“So what are you afraid of?”
“Em . . . Elijah knew exactly where to go next. I’m not so sure. I stop my blog, then what? Twiddle my thumbs?”
“You can never be idle, Timi.”
“True, but you see what I’m saying . . . right?”
“Have you ever watched trapeze artists?”
“Acrobats? At a circus? Sure. They’re graceful, beautiful to watch.”
“They have to leave one bar then swing in the air to catch another. So imagine this . . . a trapeze artist . . . he’s holding this bar,” my friend clenched his fist. “As long as he’s holding it, he can’t swing and catch the new one—”
“I see it!”
Now, it was his turn to nod.
I was like a trapeze artist holding one bar with one hand while reaching for another with the other hand. I looked ungainly. My balance was suspect. I was likely to fall. Trapeze artists have more faith that they will catch the new bar than faith that they will fall.
“Wait wait wait. But don’t they have a mattress or spring board underneath? Aren’t they legally required to have some security? Hmmm, let me google it . . .”
He smiled; perhaps at the way my mind works.
“But you have security Timi. You’ve always had security.”
If you fall, I’ll be there. – Floor 🙂
P.s. 1. This is what I googled instead:
P.s. 2. April marked four years of blogging at Livelytwist, a success story that has you, dear reader, by my side. Now it’s time for new adventures and to stop blogging. I’ll be writing about this in the weeks to come.
©Timi Yeseibo 2017
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