You, online service provider, said your product was free. I downloaded it; waited twenty minutes to install, clicked through for another ten minutes to get past the razzmatazz you call introduction. When I got to the main course, you asked me to upgrade for $49.95. I am not angry… not yet.
I decide to uninstall and search for a truly “free” freebie, but you have refused to go. You have been uninstalling for the past sixty minutes.
However, it is when you, my partner-in-crimefreebies, suggest that I should have read the fine print beneath the shiny free banner that my talons come out, long and wicked like Jezebel’s too. Yes you, I am talking about you, my fellow blogger and friend.
The Main Body
You started blogging because you felt you could write. You started blogging after that status update on your Facebook Timeline attracted 67 likes and 134 comments. Never mind that half the comments were your replies. You did not start blogging because you wanted to make money. You already had a real job. Even after your cousin evaded your question, “Have you read my blog yet?” by telling tales of how people were making money blogging, your heartbeat remained the same. You had looked at him with pity; the jester had never held a job for more than two weeks.
But now you wonder. After a tentative start on WordPress, you danced when your first post gained you five followers and a few likes. You twirled with hands on your hips, and then wriggled down. When you almost reached the floor, you remembered that you have back pain and slowly began your ascent. Your cheeks redden at the memory.
At the recommendation of WordPress, you check out some great posts from your new followers. Like strawberries and ice churning in a blender, one thought revolves in your mind. Can you really make money blogging? Of course, ever since your cousin sowed the seeds, they have been growing quietly like weeds in the periphery of your mind. Five followers have invited you to make money blogging.
Three of the five bloggers are attractive guys in their early to late twenties. They have escaped the corporate slave master’s whip and the income they’ve made off their blogs allows them to live the life they’ve always dreamed. Tanned and bare-chested with surfing shorts and six-packs to kill for, they grin at you, and you wonder how long before you can hand in your resignation. You wonder about the six-pack too—did they get it from blogging? You shake your head to clear the silly thought. Two of them live in Thailand and the third on some other island. You’ve always known that you are living in the wrong country, and true happiness resides somewhere exotic like Bali.
One of your followers is a mum. She quit her job and leads a stress-free life. Her husband works fewer hours, and together they have more time for their daughter who has a debilitating disease. Their family portrait tugs at something inside you and sentimental music plays in your head. You zero in on the mum’s face to fool your tears. Rubbing your chin, you whip out a mirror and trace the lines on your face.
Your last follower is a bald guy with tattoos. You do not bother to read his profile. You do not want to make money blogging so you can become like him.
You note the similarities of the blogs, and brushing a fly away from your face, you draw conclusions:
Money-seekers are from Mars, altruists are from Venus.
Observing life has deepened your cynicism. When your daughter asked your son for a sweet, he quickly plopped it in his mouth and said it had his germs. When you asked to share his germs, he swallowed and you watched his Adam’s apple bulge. The human instinct is to hoard and not share.
What do Donald Trump and Warren Buffet have in common?
If Donald Trump’s apprentices had to endure the humiliation of elimination, making money blogging cannot be as carefree as white clouds floating in azure skies or lounging on the beach in the prime of your life. When Warren Buffet talks about getting rich, he uses “dirty” words like invest, which connotes delayed gratification. At this point, you reach for a bowl of ice cream and stop sucking in your stomach. Acquiring a six-pack takes discipline, patience, and determination.
Becoming rich begins with watching a video or signing up for a newsletter.
One blogger declares that he wants to help those who are “serious” enough to sign up for his updates. You have never been more serious in your life. As your cursor hovers over the link, the title of a James Hadley Chase novel floats into your mind: There’s Always a Price Tag. Bye-bye Bali!
If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.
You’ve heard it before and you laugh at the allure that these four letters, E-A-S-Y, hold. The same ideas that sucked people in years ago, now repackaged, suck people in again like a merry-go-round that never stops.
Thank you for connecting all the dots and for flying with WordPress. If after this post, you decide to unfollow me, I will understand. I have also kissed Bali goodbye.
© Timi Yeseibo 2013
Image design: © Timi Yeseibo 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original
41 thoughts on “WordPress 105… Make Money Blogging or Not?”
Lemme coman be going.
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Ha ha ha!
Your sense of humor is classical, Good write up
Happy new month
Hehehe. Please you would have to forgive me, Timi. Today, I would only laugh. Hehehe.
*The conclusion was classic*
Laughter is good too. Ha ha ha, I’m laughing with you 🙂
I often don’t get caught in making money blogging or other such easy-internet-money schemes. That’s weird cos almost every Nigerian youth tries it when our unemployment starts scaring us. Been tempted to try but I keep telling myself something. Writing started for me as a way to release stress and loneliness but the day I get good enough at it, someone will offer to sponsor my blog and I’ll probably be telling someone else to come and click for ten kobo per click.
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Good for you Tobi. I think these ‘schemes’ persist because people fall for them. Lol @ten kobo per click. I hope your dream comes true. I hope you get good enough. I hope what started as an outlet brings inflows! 🙂
I hope so too. Thanks. May I say, your blog and your writing seems to be visibly getting better. Cheers.
Thank you Tobi! 🙂
i definitely love your writing style. Thanks for the laughs 🙂
Anytime Jollof, thank you!
Reblogged this on NII OSA | WRITER.
This is my first time on your blog ma’am and I must say gosh!!!! you’re funny!!!! seriously!!!
“You started blogging after that status update on your Facebook Timeline attracted 67 likes and 134 comments. Never mind that half the comments were your replies.”
Now this hit its target…hehe..
In reality, is anything really free? sigh. And glad you finally uninstalled the stuff. I know how annoying it can be for a whole 60minutes when there’s air to breathe and life to save.
Good work dear.
How nice to have you here, and as you can see, I’m increasing my comment count with my replies 🙂
@ uninstall, you can say that again- there’s always a price tag! Thank you.
“When your daughter asked your son for a sweet, he quickly plopped it in his mouth and said it had his germs. When you asked to share his germs, he swallowed and you watched his Adam’s apple bulge. The human instinct is to hoard and not share.”
I laff in ijaw! I just love kids! They always ex[ress the true inner nature of all men!
I agree, sometimes it takes a kid to show one the way things are. Laughing in ijaw? It must be a lovely sound 🙂
I hope we all get some money somehow but realistically don’t expect to make a million! Hope to know someone who does! That would be awesome! I am always wary of the way the fine print reads, this was a great post with some good advice and warnings, too!
Robin you really like this post, don’t you? Glad you enjoyed it again 🙂
Who are the ones that are telling you these things? How come you’re the only one they are sending these emails to? Lol I want the six pack o! I’m not forming porche
Haha on a more serious note, are you considering monetizing your blog? 🙂
Lol! You don’t know them? They are not sending emails, they are following my blog. It is when I go over to check out their blogs (as a courtesy/ as recommended by WP) that I see these great posts about making money blogging and the photos with the 6-packs! Okay enuff said 🙂
@monetizing my blog, of course, aren’t we all? But I know it takes time, effort, discipline & dedication. It’s not the main reason why I blog though.
Lol! I am sure you can get a 6-pack from blogging … When I figure it out, I will package my idea and sell it to the world. 😀 There is always a price tag o. Good reminder.
I ask for just 1% commission on sales… seeing that I helped inspire the idea 🙂
Sharon, thanks for being here. I’m going to stop over at your blog more often. I liked what I saw and I can’t wait to read… but first, let me work on my 6-pack!
Oh Timi, I LAUGHED hard. My best bit : ‘Tanned and bare-chested with surfing shorts and six-packs to kill for, they grin at you, and you wonder how long before you can hand in your resignation. You wonder about the six-pack too—did they get it from blogging?’ 🙂
Made my afternoon, you did
Ha ha ha, Ozoz, I’m happy this post made your afternoon! You know the bit that I like?
“making money blogging cannot be as carefree as lounging on the beach in the prime of your life… …At this point, you reach for a bowl of ice cream and stop sucking in your stomach. Acquiring a six-pack takes discipline, patience, and determination.” 🙂
LOL@ six packs from blogging.
This piece reminds me of some relentless scammers by the appellations “Jason” “Donna” and some “Ashley” daily deluging my Yahoo mailbox with unscrupulous claims and offers. Worse still, the “unsubscribe” link that’s supposed to be my salvation is but a scam as well.
Well, a measure of acquaintance with the internet and its honeypots in as many as possible of the forms in which they come, and, of course a resolve not to disregard one’s gut Like your mention of the fact that if it is sounds too good to be true then it’s perhaps not true] should all come in handy at least till we truly begin picking gold on the streets and plucking money from trees.
@scammers & yahoo mailbox- by unsubscribing, you help them confirm your email address is valid! Yes, Bunmi, the old adage, all that glitters is not gold, comes to mind.
I can’t wait to pick gold on the streets & pluck money from trees; free & easy, yay! 🙂
@ six-pack, you know now… visuals are v. important!
I used to be an anxious consumer; one who wanted to see what’s in a package without actually spending time to read the manual. I always told myself I would learn how to use a gadget/product without its manual. This attitude met its end on my uncle’s 60th birthday, the day I presented him with a phone as a gift. Very excited, he received the phone, took a good look at it, then picked up its manual. A small sheet slipped in the process. When he found out what it was, he frowned, and began to attack the phone maker, because of what he called “mouseprint.” Man! Since that day, I tend to look out for the fine prints.
LOL @ “Free.” Honestly, not ALL the products on the Internet are free, even when they are branded as such. Some will redirect you to an online advertise or to an entirely different product. In your case, I am glad you were able to deal with this cyber malware.
Uzoma, thanks for sharing your story. We learn everyday, or do we? Wherever the word free is brandished, people rush there. Easy money draws people just as rotten meat attracts flies. Advertisers know this, they know someone will surely fall into the “trap” 🙂
@ fine print, it’s usually written in legalese so people tire of reading and toss it aside! Me? I don’t like manuals, I like trial & error!
Lol, the fine print… I grew up with a father who had a thing for reading the fine print so for that same reason, we grew up believing that there was no such thing as free money *even when you won a lottery*.
I’ve had my own fair share of make money online dilemma, tho not as profound as yours. I merely wasted time trying to sign up for something, each time my father’s words bringing me back to my default settings. PS I’m very picky with what goes on my computer, so I literally study on some things before making the decision to install.
In things like this tho, I’d suggest reading the comments on such pages *even tho they’d try to hide the comments written by actual disgruntled people* 😦
Your father schooled you well, we should approach the word “free” with caution. Lol @default settings- there’s money to be made online though, we just need to be discerning.
Thanks for the heads up Ochuko, I will be reading customer reviews.
The devil is in the details as they say. The sonofabitch knows mortals are in too hurry to be at the next phase.
I have had exeriences with this learn this and that for FREE that always needed my email or a token of some dollars.
The worst are those that aim to change my systems setting before they allow download which I will refuse no matter how much I needed the freebie.
Thank God you were able to uninstall whatever that took a whole 60mins to remove! Hope your anti-virus is up-to-date?
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Ha ha Charles. I wasn’t able to uninstall after 60 minutes! Thank goodness for Google… I finally googled, “How to unistall… ”
I wish I can say I’ve learnt my lesson… I’ll probably continue looking for truly “free” freebies! 🙂
Yes, anti-virus, up-to-date, thanks.
I enjoyed reading this, it is always good to find a smile or two in a story! Sorry about the fine print and trickery, though! I am sure that I will not be swayed to have ads but wouldn’t mind a writing contract or some compensation, like a collection of short stories including one of mine someday… Do you dream about that, too?
Robin, glad this brought a smile to your face. I’m all for making money through ads or whatever, it’s the scams that I’m weary of.
I dream of writing contracts, I dream of a short story collection, I dream of peaches, I dream of cream, I dream… then I wake up, and write! 🙂
If it sounds too good to be true but you go for it anyway, you will probably wake up in a hotel room with a kidney missing and a painful incision on your lower flank.
I’m not speaking from experience, but if I ever do get lured into that 6-foot-tall supermodel’s hotel room after she inexplicably hits on me in the bar/lounge, I hope they take the left kidney. It’s the not-as-good one.
Lol! Eric, this is the funniest thing I’ve heard today!
For your sake & mine (for I want to continue laughing), I hope they take the left kidney! 🙂
The Internet has long lost it’s innocence. You have the good, the bad and the ugly all there, so you need new skills to discern good from evil, no longer, does the scar on the face do, the crooked teeth, the bloodshot eyes or the hook in place of a hand! As you’ve said if it is too good to be true it probably is…. It could be a 6-foot-tall blond Russian air hostess in Tokyo and you may not only lose your kidney, you could be left with a present…AIDS.
Lol! Okay Eric & Frank, I care about you… beware of 6-foot-tall supermodels & blond air hostesses already! Let’s make money blogging instead 🙂
Lol Masoma, I remembered James Hadley Chase, as I contemplated signing up to learn how to make money blogging! 🙂
Thank you so much for being here.
Hilarious! How on earth did you remember JHC? You become funnier and funnier by the blog …:)