Now that winter is almost here, I have ditched the bus, tram, and train in favour of my car. Away from Potential Bestfriend, Regular Joe, and Young Generation, music accompanies my solitude. My heated interior obliterates memories of last year’s winter, of waiting on bus, tram, and train platforms, whipped by the wicked North Sea wind. In spite of this, I am still having another day in tolerance. Let me introduce you to the characters on my way to work.
People who drive 30km/h on a 30km/h road. To drive behind people like this is to simmer with the pressure of wanting to pee with no toilet in sight. They do not realise thirty is the new sixty. However, they know what it is to pay a 320 Euro traffic fine. You cannot meet their slow-motion stare as they crawl past, moments after you sped past them and the police flagged you down. After you calculate how to pay the fine and still lead a normal life, you laugh aloud at the idiot who just zoomed past you.
People who overtake you with zeal, and then slow down, forcing you to overtake them. As if on cue, they overtake you again and then slow down again. For them life is a game of chess, they have captured your pawns, knights, rookies, and queen too. You know how to beat them nonetheless. After a couple of moves, you decide the game is too juvenile to play. You slow down until they lose interest and speed off to court the next player.
People who drive slower than you do, so that you are right to overtake them. The minute you exert pressure on your accelerator, indicate, and switch to the left lane, something in them comes alive. They pick up speed to match your speed. Since you are already on the left lane, you increase your speed to overtake them. In turn, they increase their speed so you cannot overtake. Riding side by side, you sneak a peek. They are a study in casual concentration. You know people like this in real life, people who had a deficiency in childhood. Maybe it was potassium or vitamin K. Their motto: if I cannot get to heaven, then neither will you. You take the high road and follow lamely behind them, shaking your head as you whisper, “Life is too short; life is too short.”
Aka the motorcyclists. They sneak up on you in traffic, stealth is their middle name; they love the strip of asphalt between two cars. You would too, if you have been moving at 10km/h for the last hour. They whiz through the narrow space and nearly take your side mirror with them. Your mirror bends to the limit of its elasticity and returns to its place. Your blood boils and refuses to cool until you remember that lottery-winning numbers are yet to be announced. You let your car roll and slap your ear as if brushing away a zizzing mosquito.
Aka the excursion bus drivers. They do not think the signpost that limits trucks to the slow lane applies to them. Maybe they are right. You passed your driving exam long ago. They obscure your vision, not only of the road and vehicles ahead, but also of the sun, the moon, and the stars. As you drive behind them, you wonder when you will see civilisation again. With nothing to do, you read the bus; you read about all the trips the company offers and commit the website to memory. As soon as the road widens, you change gears, enter the fast lane, and forget all you have read.
People who snake from one lane to another as if they have diarrhoea of the brain. Your head aches from watching their spiral, and it’s no wonder, they remind you of boyfriends that cannot commit. Oh, there they go again, searching for the next best thing. You let out a hiss that is longer than a snake’s, “Hisssss!”
The Ferrari-like drivers who would rather be on a German autobahn, but a 70km/h road constrains them. They breathe down on your trusty Toyota, lights menacing, as you overtake a truck. The second you inch back to the right lane, they vroom vroom past you, leaving a trail of imaginary smoke in their wake and drag that causes your car to vibrate. When you catch up with them at the red light, the roar of their engine sounds like the bleat of a frustrated goat. The smug satisfaction on your face says it all. There is a god. No matter how rich and powerful some people are, we still shit the same brown shit. All hail traffic lights, the great equaliser.
Recognise any of my fellow travellers? What’s commuting like for you? I bet not as bad as Lucy Martin’s travails in Dubai.
©Timi Yeseibo 2013
Image credits: all people illustrations, animes, avatars, vectors by Microsoft
Background: lovely pink and gray card design by VisionMates in backgrounds/wallpaper http://www.vecteezy.com/backgrounds-wallpaper/47521-lovely-pink-and-gray-card-design
design: ©Timi Yeseibo 2013
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36 thoughts on “Another Day in Tolerance”
The smug satisfaction on your face says it all. There is a god. No matter how rich and powerful some people are, we still shit the same brown shit. All hail traffic lights, the great equaliser.
Everyone has a shade of evil in them.
I ❤❤ this.
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Lol! Glad you enjoyed it.
The description perfectly fits into the Nigeria drivers attitude and their mentality….your next visit to Nigeria. Pls notify me and I will sure meet you anywhere
It does abi? But I think they deserve a special post, what with all that horn blaring,light flashing, and cussing! 🙂
bae…this was intelligently funny lemmie put it that way,LOL
I think you need to come to Nigeria and use your above analysis and description because we have a lot of Nuts driving on the road these days. One would think they escaped from the Mad house or something.
The Danfo drivers, the Show Offs, the Ones that you keep waiting for it to pass so that Pedestrians can cross. Infact, your above description would fit into some categories here perfectly.
Nice one 🙂
Lagos drivers deserve a special post! Lol @show offs. You write, I’ll read 🙂
haha…ahhh, I think you’d write it better..wink*
looooooool tears, this had me laughing so hard, the sadists, they’re the most frustrating…
Lol, sadists are not to be toyed with 🙂
I love your ‘labels’ and the lively descriptions you attribute to these people. There is a need for lots of humor while dealing with some of these folks! Smiles, Robin
Aye, laughter, the best medicine 🙂
Nice post 🙂
You’re welcome, Livelytwist! 🙂
Lol! “Diarhhoea of the brain”-definitely the line of the year. This was brilliantly hilarious..
🙂 leaky, sneaky brains…
Now that you mention it, I think I fit in the Joker and Sadist category. But of course, I’d be silly to do that in the winter. LOL 😀
One time a car drove pass me with this annoying volvo sound, cut in front of me with no signal then slowed down. Dude was driving a 2005 Dodge Neon and mine was a beat up Honda ’98. Insult! How dare he piss me off?
I swerved into the left lane with all vigor, ignoring my car’s squeaks for mercy. Then I was in front of him again. Well, he followed suit. He swung into the left lane with the intention to overtake me again. Then I noticed the exit sign was only a half mile away. Assa!
He signaled to get into my lane but I wasn’t having it. I drove at snail’s speed, sped up when he thought to take advantage of an opening in front of me. Needless to say I matched his speed until he missed his exit and I flashed him one of my innocent smiles. He honked and muttered something then but I didn’t care, hahaha! Okay, end of story. Lol
P.S. how did you come up with your illustrations? And why does Timi look unimpressed? 😀
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Lol, joker & sadist for sure 🙂 . Some people just stir something in you…
@illustrations, I wrote a post called A Day in Tolerance, (you would enjoy it), and had the brain wave to use funny illustrations, and it just seemed right to continue here… Timi is not impressed because no matter how rich & powerful we are, we all ….
Oh haha, will check it out!
The evil is inbuilt.
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Interesting commuting experience. Here in Lagos, there are no speed limits. We don’t recognize such ‘silly limitations’. Everyone is a smart driver, we’re all in a hurry.
‘Dare, Lagos drivers deserve a special post. Categories should include: i wan die, i dey craze, mumu, etc 🙂
Hahahahaha @ I dey craze. You won’t break my ribs in Jesus name. Amen! 😀
My dear no bi small ting o! As ‘Dare implied, it is survival of the smartest 🙂
I live under the oppressive regime of skinny roads and traffic lights every 50 feet (so it seems). Everyone – all of us – are butt riders (is that a thing?). You get a good long look at the license plate in front of you as you inch along, wondering why you don’t just ride a bike.
The only variety is at the one-lane causeway. Traffic can only move in one direction at a time on the causeway, but that does not stop drivers on the other side from marching up onto the thing and somehow expecting that they will be able to get through the 8 inches of space between your driver door handle and the guard rail.
Now that you mention it, “butt riders” is officially a thing 🙂 As for the drivers who attempt to get through the 8 inches of space between your driver door handle and the guard rail, they need a special category- jerks!
At least once a week, some person lacking in spacial judgment and analytical foresight barrels up onto the causeway that already has about 20 cars on it going the other direction. Gridlock ensues. So instead of waiting 45 seconds for the road to clear, the person causes a clusterbomb that screws everything up for the next 10 minutes. Oy.
That person is three parts sadist and one part jerk 🙂
I don’t drive- intense driving phobia- so something tells me that whenever I get to it, I will be one of the ‘nerds’ (my driving instructor once said- ‘OMA, you know if you hit the accelerator, the world wont end…’ I stopped going to driving school after that day!)
But then again, while exercising, I love to play the game of chess- I am a joker- I want to give the other person a chase and to make them chase me back (hoping they are good sports-(men/women)…
Really cool article. I like!
Lol, at least you won’t get a traffic fine, nerds are smart! Aagh, jokers are annoying 🙂
Maybe when you overcome your driving phobia, you can blog about your experience? I’m sure it would be a cool post. Thanks.
Tried to find which class I fit into… but gave up in the end. All I know is that I don’t fall in ‘the sadists’ category – that much is certain.
I enjoyed this post, bi oyinbo tin gbadun ciga.
🙂 I’m still laughing at your comment about enjoying the post. The world needs less sadists, glad you’re not one!
We get to meet people in all of these “categories” even in the race of life and particularly in the pursuit of our life assignments… Understanding them and their peculiarity saves us a lot of stress… Thank you for this!
True, and I guess if we’re honest, we fall into some of the categories ourselves 🙂
You got me laughing real good with: “You know people like this in real life, people who had a deficiency in childhood. Maybe it was potassium or vitamin K. Their motto: if I cannot get to heaven, then neither will you.”
I don’t think of them as such but now, I have another way to view some people.
PS: How’s the holidays panning out? Hope you enjoy this season.
Lol! The holidays are good. I haven’t seen you on WP lately?