“It’s a lie! Your enemies will never succeed!”
“So after the prayer meeting . . .”
“Yes?”
“I took the holy water to the office.”
“Eh hen?”
“I didn’t take all. I poured some into La Casera bottle—”
“You washed it first—”
“No o! Is that bad?”
“Hmmm, it would have been better to sanctify it, but well, it is well.”
“So, I got to work very early, before people started coming . . .”
“Eh hen?”
“I entered my oga’s office and I started sprinkling the holy water. Then his secretary came in—”
“Bloooood of Jesus! She saw you?”
“No. I quickly hid the bottle behind my back.”
“Good . . . good.”
“She asked me if I was looking for the leadership presentation printouts.”
“I said, ‘Yes.’ She told me to check the cabinet and left.”
“Thank God!”
“I continued sprinkling the holy water, on the desk, under the desk, on the chair, on the computer. I even sprinkled some on the pictures of his wife and children. When I finished, I started marching round the desk, then the secretary popped her head through the door—”
“Your enemies shall not succeed!”
“Amen!”
“Eh hen, what did she want?”
“She asked me if I had found it. I said, ‘Not yet—’”
“And then?”
“She said she would help me.”
“The water?”
“She asked me what it was. I said, ‘Nothing. Just drinking water—’”
“Your enemies will never succeed!”
“She asked me why I’ve been pouring it around the office.”
“Jesus! Jeeesus! . . . What did you say?”
“I said I wasn’t pouring it. She said I was lying that she had been watching me on the CCTV”
“CCTV ke?”
“Yes!”
“So what did you do?”
“We started arguing.”
“Your enemies shall never ever succeed! Eh hen?”
“Then I got angry and stormed out—”
“The holy water?”
“I . . . I . . . I left it there . . .”
“Sh*t!”
“Anyway, when I stepped out of the office, I saw people gathered round her computer.”
“Who? The secretary?”
“Yes! Someone was saying, ‘Rewind, rewind . . . ’”
“What were they watching?”
“Leave mata. I wanted to pass quietly. But she shouted, ‘Stop him!’ Then everybody looked up and started laughing.”
“Don’t worry; it is not the end of the world—”
“That’s what I thought. Until the security grabbed me—”
“What?”
“I tried to struggle—”
“Jesus!”
“The other one tackled me to the floor. Then my oga—”
“Your boss? Where did he come from?”
“I don’t know. He told me not to struggle. That I should respect myself and pack my things and leave.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. As I was packing, the security guards stood by me. They kept saying, ‘Oya hurry up!’”
“All hope is not lost. God works in mysterious ways. It is well.”
“As I was going to the lift, my oga was following me. He shouted, ‘Wait!’ So I turned.”
“Hmmm, what did he want again?”
“He said, ‘You are not the first and you will not be the last. My enemies shall never succeed!’ Then he pushed the holy water into my hands!”
“It’s a lie! Jesus!”
“What? What? . . . What is it?”
“Your enemies . . . Osanobua! Your enemies, they have succeeded!”
©Timi Yeseibo 2014
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Image credit: curtain vector: zcool.com.cn
font: Christopher Hand by El Stinger: http://www.dafont.com/christopherhand.font
font: Acid Label by Billy Argel: http://www.dafont.com/acid-label.font
design: ©Timi Yeseibo 2014
livelytwist 