The Conversation

 

The Conversation

“Stop! Wait, wait. Na wa. Which conversation are we having? This one or the one we had a few days ago?”

“This one!”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean are you sure? Am I a child? I hate it when you patronize me!”

“Sorry o . . . that was not my intention—”

“As I was saying, so what did you mean when you said what you said about Jimi’s—”

Ahn ahn, which conversation are we having now?”

“We’re having this one, the one we had a few days ago, and every single one we’ve ever had!”

Wahala dey—”

“What did you say?”

“I’m listening . . .”

“So what did you mean?”

“I . . . I meant what I said . . .”

“Meaning?”

“Ha, what I said na?”

“Please humour me, elaborate . . .”

Mehn, okay, I can’t remember what I said.”

“You said that what a woman brings to the table increases her value. That the assets Jimi’s wife brought to the table had diminished comparatively in the last several years. That for women, love and attractiveness were neither here nor there as they placed a higher premium on the combo—love and security but for men an inverse relationship holds—”

“Wow! I said all that?”

“Yes. I mean no . . . the magazine article put it that way, but yeah, in essence, it’s the same sentiment you shared, I guess . . .”

“Which magazine? I can’t remember saying—”

“How can you forget? That night we returned—”

“Okay, okay, if you say so.”

“So what did you mean?”

“Hmmm. Jimi loves his wife and he’s chosen to see other assets beyond what she first had to offer.”

“But she’s . . . she just . . . she doesn’t really take care. . .”

“She’s fat.”

“That’s not politically correct! She’s just on the big side!”

“Okay.”

“You were saying?”

“No, no. . . I’m done. Political correctness stifles conversation, don’t you think?”

“Just say what’s on your mind. It’s not as if you’re giving a TED Talk!”

“So, obviously, a man of his influence and means would be spoilt for options. Though people who’ve done business with him vouch for his integrity as well.”

“You didn’t say this part that day.”

“I’m not a parrot. These are just my thoughts—”

“But you said one of the things that put men off is unattractiveness. That after hooking the guy, some women just stop trying . . .”

“I did?”

“Yes! Remember? When we were dating?”

“That was like what? Years ago?”

“Three and two months to be precise.”

“Elephant mem— hey, where are you going? Why did you put on the light? Turn it off please!”

“I want you to see—”

“See what? Geez—”

“I knew it!”

“What?”

“You think my butt is too flabby!”

“But I didn’t say so!”

“You said geez!”

“Because of the light!”

“But when Patrick said that if he were married to Jimi’s wife, he would’ve taken off, you laughed.”

“Seriously? That’s just a guy thing. He didn’t mean it and we were joking.”

“A very mean joke about a woman who’s had kids. Do you know what having kids does to a woman’s body?”

“Em . . . em, which conversation are we having now?”

“What do you mean? We are just talking! Why do you keep saying, ‘which conversation are we having’?”

“Because—”

“Some women just manage to look great no matter what . . . like Angela. Four kids and she’s still tight. What do you think of Angela?”

“I haven’t thought of her. I have eyes for only you.”

“And Jimi’s wife obviously, since you noticed she’s fat! Are. . . are you listening?”

“Uhuh.”

“You’re sleeping?”

“No.”

“I think I’m pregnant.”

“That’s fantastic! We are pregnant! Come here!”

“Not sure . . . I’m late. I’ll buy a kit tomorrow . . .”

“We’ll do it together.”

“Okay, I’d like that.

“Good. Come to bed—”

“See? See? When I walk it just kinda wiggles all over the place!”

“Mmmm hmmm.”

“What?”

“Are you wearing anything under? Turn . . . walk again let me see . . .nice . . .very nice.”

“Gosh! Are you even looking?

“Oh yes! And even if your butt is as wide as Texas and lumpy like dough, I would still love you.”

“Lumpy like dough—”

“I didn’t mean it like that. Oya, please turn off the light and come back to bed.”

 

©Timi Yeseibo 2015

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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41 thoughts on “The Conversation

  1. I like how it seems they are on the same page then the man goes way off course and is almost ride. Saying someone else started the joke doesn’t work with me. I wonder if your character will find out she is pregnant? Now, my hormones seemed to create my being more touchy during those pregnancies. Still liked your vinversation. You made a lively story here. 🙂

    Like

    1. @Saying someone else started the joke doesn’t work with me, it does carry a sense of abdicating responsibility …

      I find it interesting how sometimes we don’t say what we want to say and circle the issue hoping the other person would catch on. If she is pregnant or if they are pregnant 😛 , I think one reassurance a day would keep the doctor at bay!

      Thanks Robin.

      Like

  2. Communication is indeed words, nonverbal communication and reading between the lines. I love how this conversation shows that men and women are very different!

    Like

  3. LOL interesting read. Totally enjoyed every bit. Already pictured some nollywood couple playing that exact scene 😀

    Liking the new livelytwist theme, feels fresh – Hoping it grows on us.#APC #Change

    Like

    1. Thanks Emeka. I usually picture these skits performed for radio 🙂

      @new livelytwist theme, thank you. I’m looking forward to positive changes for all of us, but I’m not brandishing the APC hashtag o! 🙂

      Like

  4. Wonderful piece of writing. Had me smiling throughout. I really like the dialogue format Sort of like a play. The themes of communication and political correctness were well represented and of particular interest to me. PC is a pet peeve of mine and I have made several posts about it on my FB page. I am reminded of what George Bernard Shaw said about communication: “The main problem with communication,” he opined, “is the illusion that it has taken place.” Bravo! Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. PC is one of your pet peeves? What bugs you the most?
      “The main problem with communication, is the illusion that it has taken place.” A good quote to ponder as we hear and speak through emotional, cultural, etc, filters.

      I’m happy to hear you smiled as you read. That’s the universal effect I wanted my writing to have. I think I communicated XD

      Thanks Benn.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for the opportunity to express my opinion about political correctness. As a writer and a free thinker I find PC to be a form of censorship. It is like having to use a euphemism instead of the proper word in order not to offend the sensibilities of the squeamish. This, I think, is dangerous in that it obscures the truth and does not allow us to see the world for what it is. If we cannot see the world for what it is we cannot protect ourselves, criticize that which needs to be criticized, nor make improvements to the status quo.

        Comedians Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock have both stopped performing at colleges due to the atmosphere of political correctness pervading college campuses. Amy Schumer has recently had to apologize for some early material she performed which was deemed politically incorrect. Amy Schumer is a cutting edge comedian who is in the forefront of providing a feminist perspective that is sorely needed. She should not be muzzled.

        I grew up in an age when comics were arrested and taken to jail for edgy comedy that is tame compared to today’s standards. Lenny Bruce was arrested so many times that he performed his act in a raincoat so when he was arrested and taken to jail he would already be dressed for the cold Chicago nights. Comedian Sam Kinison, in an homage to Lenny Bruce, always wore a long coat in his act. Comedy is supposed to make us feel uncomfortable. That is its job. Freedom of expression is one of our most precious and basic rights. One that I will fight for.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks Benn for sharing your thoughts with us.

          We live in interesting times- the concept of free speech is being redefined, we operate a kind of intolerant tolerance of one another’s opinions, etc.

          “Comedy is supposed to make us feel uncomfortable.” I think I see where you’re coming from. In addition, I like to think that comedy, satire, should mix the bitter with the sweet to move society to a better place.

          It is almost impossible not to offend given how diverse we are, but I think it is good to be culturally aware so we don’t alienate our audiences. Sometimes we refrain from saying certain things to our friends out of consideration for their feelings. Still we have opinions that we should share…. How to find the right balance?

          I may be wrong, but don’t comedians and performers have uncensored versions of their shows?

          Thanks again Benn. We’ll be thinking and talking about these things for a while.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I agree that it is best to be culturally aware so as not to offend others. Which I am am in business and social situations. I believe in having good manners and being polite. But, When I am writing and rendering my words artfully to make a point, I may become a little edgy.

            Franz Kafka said,”A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us.” I believe words should be used to shock us out of our collective torpor to inspire action.

            You are right, comedians do have uncensored versions of there shows. Ones that are recorded for cable networks such as HBO and Showtime. But when they perform live in certain venues they are subject to criticism for being politically incorrect by certain oversensitive audiences such as to be found on college campuses. In these cases the artist is forced to self censor or to not to perform for theses groups. In either case it sends a chill down the spine of free expression.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. LOL- in the moment conversations like these can feel quite perturbing -always wonderful when we can see the humor afterwards. My fiancé and I like to laugh about how a seemingly innocuous topic and sometimes serious ones- can sometimes elicit the biggest misunderstandings and disagreements. Btw- I may have gotten confused on the exchange but are congratulations in order? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s nice that you and your fiance can see the humour in what may have been a potentially charged exchange.

      William Faulkner said, “A writer needs three things, experience, observation, and imagination, any two of which, at times any one of which, can supply the lack of the others.”

      I used all 3 to write this piece of fiction. Some readers think all my stories are about me! Lol, perks of the job. No, Diahann, congratulations aren’t in order XD

      Liked by 1 person

  6. You never fail to inspire me with your writing. This is a very humorous and well written piece that got me thinking of how often I use the same tactics although I’m not married yet. Hopefully, I will develop the courage to ask for what I want rather than hint at it and hope he magically figures it out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “. . . the courage to ask for what . . .”
      Now, you have me thinking too. Why does it take courage? Is it because we fear rejection or feel our wants aren’t worthy?

      Quinn, I am glad my writing inspires you. I am inspired by your comment, thanks.

      Like

  7. Hello Timi,

    I am still chuckling. Indeed, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

    It was a very interesting conversation, one almost felt like a fly on the wall of their bedroom.

    ” Political correctness stifles conversation”, hilariously very true 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol, is The Conversation interesting because we find ourselves or people we know in it? XD

      @political correctness, sometimes if we deal with the elephant in the room- race, gender, age, etc- we may proceed to have meaningful communication. It may mean having a thick skin and resisting the urge to mount the ‘correction’ box.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hehehehe, perhaps it is. I suppose we will relate better with a topic if we recognize ourselves (or people we know) in one or more of the characters.

        For some odd reason, this angle reminds me of how delighted my 2.5-year old niece always is with her own reflection, when she looks into the mirror :-D.

        Enjoy the rest of your day.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. “Elephant mem— hey, where are you going? Why did you put on the light? Turn it off please!”

    “I want you to see—”

    “See what? Geez—”

    “I knew it!”

    “What?”

    “You think my butt is too flabby!”

    Haha. There a whole thesis waiting to be written about that jump from lights to flabby butts.

    Married people, biko, help us out. Does conversation in marriage really descend to this level? Can it be helped?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lol@ thesis XD

      I think that conversation at any level is like dance ….
      She could have said that I’m worried that I’ve put on a few pounds and that with pregnancy, I’ll put on some more. I’m concerned that you will find me unattractive. I need you to reassure me… and maybe the conversation wouldn’t have lasted this long.

      But perhaps she didn’t even know that that’s what she needed and even if she did, how many people dare to be that direct?

      What a way to touch on vulnerability, affirmation, political correctness, and the maze that is conversation between opposite sexes, huh? A 500-word (serious) essay or a 750-word comedy sketch? 😉

      Liked by 2 people

      1. But perhaps she didn’t even know that that’s what she needed

        Second time I’m encountering thoughts like this about women that in two days.

        First time, my response was: “Then they deserve whatever they get.” But now that I’ve brooded on it, there’s more to it than that insensitive response. And it seems tied to the vulnerability, and affirmation you speak about above.

        I’m still trying to understand its implications about perceptions of the differences in gender and how it reinforces (or perhaps weakens) the arguments for feminism. Lot’s of stuff to get through, but there’s no rush for me. I’m here to learn.

        I may write about all this later, but I’m sure it won’t be a wonderful comedy sketch like yours. Perhaps a semi-serious essay.

        Like

        1. Indeed much to ponder. Sometimes we just brush our feelings aside instead of exploring and/or examining them. Maybe that’s one reason we don’t know what we want not to talk of articulating it. The answer to the question, “What do you want?” has eluded me from time to time.

          There is a sense in which making oneself vulnerable might be misconstrued for weakness…
          Beyond differences in brain wiring, socialization may make men and women approach conversation differently …

          Words fascinate me, so conversation fascinates me as well 🙂
          I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts. Whatever medium you choose, I’m sure you’ll do it justice Ife.

          Liked by 1 person

  9. Hahaha, most conversations are indeed about what we don’t say…
    People seek out reassurance, self-validation and what have you…
    I can only imagine what married men put up with…
    Pray, what does having children do to women’s body? Is it only the body that this affects or the psychology?
    PS: Nice one here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed one has to ‘hear’ between the lines.
      Ah, but men are not always direct either … although the ‘genius’ ability to flit from topic to topic, to weave past, present, and even future into one conversation, seem to reside with women 🙂

      In this context, having kids stretches a woman’s body, weight gain, etc. And while women are complimented for glowing during pregnancy, some look in the mirror and see enlarged nose, disappearing neck, etc.

      Lol@ I can only imagine what married men put up with…, married women nko? 🙂

      Thanks Charles.

      Like

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