Ife Nihinlola’s article follows from last week’s dialogue between two girlfriends about the ‘elusive’ boyfriend. He creatively presents the viewpoint of the said boyfriend. Read last week’s post here.
Riposte: To Catch A Fly
“So, talk to me. How did it go?”
“Fine.”
“What is fine? I said how did it go?”
“Fine na. What else do you want me to say?”
“Don’t even start. I didn’t cover for you so you can come back here with fine. Abeg, tell me the full story. What did you guys do?”
“We didn’t do anything, really. I headed to her place after leaving work and called her when I was close to their estate, telling her I was in their area.”
“Hmmm, smooth . . .”
“Not smooth anything. I just didn’t want her to think I’m desperate. You know how, at a certain age, a single guy in church is the symbol of desperation.”
“Oga Christian, na you know that one. So were you telling her all these grammar, or did you ask her the main thing?”
“Well, her brother and I were discussing Messi and his tax, and it took a while before he finally left the living room. Then she offered me semo and edikang ikong.”
“Chai! See better wife material.”
“But she didn’t cook the soup o. I asked and she started laughing, and I thought I really blew it by asking a stupid question. Then she continued to laugh and I joined her. It was a little weird sha . . .”
“After that?”
“We talked about everything and then nothing. Again, I didn’t want to appear too desperate.”
“Oga, after inviting her to, how many seminars now, six, seven? You’re saying you don’t want to be too desperate? Have you even asked her out properly?”
“It’s not like that? The question is not whether I’ve asked her out properly. It’s if I’m ready to ask her out.”
“Are you kidding me? At twenty-nine, you’re not sure if you want to ask her out? Do you think she’s ugly? Are you preserving yourself for Agbani Darego?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“So what are you waiting for?”
“Remember the last time I went out with that girl from the 45th floor and she suddenly started to talk about children and houses and family?”
“Hahahaha!”
“There must be something about candlelight and soft music and wine that makes people think it’s okay to share everything. She doesn’t even greet me at lunch anymore, so that means I must have said something stupid that night.”
“True. Your mouth can be a loose canon.”
“I’m trying to avoid that, so let’s hope I’ll be able to invite her for a date at the seminar.”
“Another seminar?”
“Yes na. That’s my excuse to see her again before the week runs out. I don’t even know if I’m doing this because my mother is always reminding me that she’s seventy-eight and life expectancy is fifty-three and I’m her only son . . . What do you think?”
“Me? What’s my own in this matter? I already have a pregnant wife, and I’m just three months older than you. What do you think I think?”
“You’re not being of help right now.”
“My friend, ask the lady out properly and go and marry.”
“You’re assuming she won’t say no.”
“If you can’t tell that a lady who has survived seven seminars and a silly visit already likes you, maybe your case is just hopeless. I’m going to my cubicle!”
©Ife Nihinlola 2016 @ IfeOluwa’s Rambles
©Timi Yeseibo 2016
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