Riposte: To Date A Fly

riposte to date a fly

They went on a date. Ife Nihinlola tells us what happens while the guy is taking her home …

Riposte: To Date A Fly

“So, madam how did you find that restaurant? Is that the place where big babes like you go on the reg, or you’ve just always gone there for birthdays? Like, your twenty-first with the ladies eating plantain and coconut fritters, hashtag living?”

“Very funny Mister. Just face the road and drive. You almost hit that keke.”

“No I didn’t . . . I know what I’m doing.”

“If you say so—”

“I really want to know. Their food was good, so I want to know if you found the place after sampling other exotic restaurants or, you know . . . just tell me.”

“One of my boyfriends actually took me there for our first date . . . hmmm and now that I think about it, he probably knew the best spots for everything in this city. From night clubs to restaurants to the asun guy that can give you a peppery mouthgasm.”

“Cool. So, what happened? What happened with this guy?”

“Now you’re asking too many questions, and we’re not going to talk about my exes today.”

“But I want to know. I really do. I want to know how a beautiful woman like you made it to your thirties without a man putting a ring on your finger.”

“You do realize that’s not a nice question to ask me, right?”

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s not exactly fair to ask me that particular question in that manner.”

“How is it not fair?”

“How is it not fair? Well, let me see. What if I asked you about all the exciting twenty-something-year-olds you’ve been seeing and why one of them isn’t sitting next to you in this car, right now? Why run after a thirty-six-year-old woman when you have the money and charm to get any young sexy babe fresh out of uni? Are you open to discussing that with me? Is it that you have a dark side? Is it the sex? Are you that bad in bed?”

“What?”

“Exactly my thought!”

“No, no. Not that. How did this become about sex? What sex?”

“Aha! Don’t even start the church-boy act. We both know none of us is exactly celibate so we might as well add that to the conversation we’re having, right along with age and money and—”

“But I am—”

“You’re what?”

“Celibate.”

“Like temporarily? Hmmm. That’s cute. How many months now?”

“No. Not months. I’ve actually never, you know . . .”

“Oh. Oh! Oh my god! You mean you’re a virgin?”

“Well . . . Y . . . ye . . . ahem, yes—”

“Wait. For real, if we’re actually going to start going out, you mean sex is off the table?”

“Don’t even laugh. How about we don’t make this about that? How about—”

“Hahahaha! What else can we make this about? This is unbelievable! Junior, are you joking right? You’re celibate at twenty-nine and you had the guts to talk about my eggs? Do you even have any idea what that does to your prostrate glands? Are you actually sure those things can swim?”

“W . . . what are you even saying?”

“Am I going to have to give you sex education . . . along with everything else?”

“I . . . I  . . . I don’t even know what you’re going on about.”

“Wow! This is a little too much for me. You know what? Let’s just forget about this whole ride.”

“F . . . forget what?”

“See, it’s a good thing we’re finally at my place. Thank you for the ride and the evening.”

“Thank you too . . . f . . . for the food. We’ll see on Sunday?”

“Sunday? Really? Is that how it is?”

“Well, yeah. Sunday. Or I’ll call you . . .”

“Hmmm. Do whatever you want Junior. It’s been great getting to know you. Bye.”

 

————————————————————————————

Keke (keke napep) – a covered tricycle used as taxis in some major cities.
Asun – spicy smoked goat meat

 

 

©Ife Nihinlola 2016 @ IfeOluwa’s Rambles

 

©Timi Yeseibo 2016

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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41 thoughts on “Riposte: To Date A Fly

  1. This is so fascinating! Great quote at the beginning. But it shows that trouble lurks around the corner. I had hoped they would make it together, but now I’m not sure they will.
    Reminds me of a conversation I had with a guy. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Was it too good to be true? Can they always use humour to negotiate trouble spots? I guess the answer is no.

      I would have liked to be a fly on the wall when you had that conversation with a guy 🙂

      Like

  2. Wow! Ok, I am uncertain as to where this is going. They both need to be mature to make this work. If she wants him to be her man she certainly ought to stop treating him like a baby. He also needs to ‘man up’… Oh well, I’ll leave it to the writers to break my heart. But I love happy endings if you are willing to give out treats to hopeless romantics like me 😃

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ah ah! Why is Junior stammering now? I thought he was very comfortable in his own skin. Senior has too much upper hand here, even sounding irritated that she’ll have to ‘teach’ him everything. Maybe Junior needs to show some proficiency at something that will totally put her in awe. And he should get her to call him by his real name…. what’s with the Junior thing?

    I’m starting to think it won’t work… 😭😭😔😔

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I am very sure she would be shy on the next date….36 and single is not a thing of joy and I agree with Uju, this guys can’t be but let’s relax and see where this ends, I wish it could be a daily post buy then its just a wish….nice Job, Ice and Timi

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Lol. I like the guy and I think he did good. I wish he didn’t get all embarrassed though. If a woman is happy to have history and take premarital sex for a given, a man should be happy to have no history and take celibacy for a given. I also wish he hadn’t tried to set up another date. She was an obvious bad call.

    As for her, really, I don’t get where all the knives came from. What did she feel the need to defend? Unmarried at 36? That ease at being offended makes real, deep emotional connection and relationship just impossible. And there is no magic guy that will take that away. The one that will seem to will probably truly not care.

    At least, I’ve never seen or heard of a guy who won’t dig into you – your history, your present choices and your future plans – but does indeed plan anything serious and loving long-term with you. Seriously, never. But then I haven’t met or heard of everybody.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sure Junior is wondering where the knives came from too. One minute he’s talking about a restaurant, the next he’s stammering. Poor boy.

      But, are we not being too harsh on the lady here? How was she an obvious bad call for him?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t think I am. I think she was being unnecessarily vicious.

        Why was she a bad call? We’re talking marriage here. Of course, she was probably just having fun but at both their ages, they should have been grown up and thinking about responsibility. Thinking about responsibility means asking and facing hard questions from people you are interested in. That she didn’t know that made her immediately a waste of his time.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. In this particular installment of the story? I don’t think she was. I hadn’t read much of the preceding story before I read this one. I think I only read “To Catch A Fly” and “Riposte: To Catch A Fly”. As a stand-alone short story, her character is terrible. As a continuation of the earlier stories, she’s way out of character here.

            Liked by 1 person

  6. Hmmmmm! I sense trouble lurking around for MSW(Matured Single Woman) and Junior! Would like to know how Junior would handle the future with them that’s if there would be a future!

    Good job Ife and Timi! This twist is becoming a knot! Hope there’s a way to untie it so we can have a happy ending.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So far, you seem to be the only one who seems to think they deserve a happy ending.

      PS: In trying to see if you’ve always wanted this for them, I somehow left a reply to an old comment of yours. *covers face* Probably my most ‘awks’ moment today.

      Thank you for following this closely. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Ife,

        She’s not the only one o, I’m rooting for a happy ending, and this episode is making me wonder if it’s going to happen. 😦

        PS: Ah, I actually have an asun guy, who never disappoints. Lol

        Liked by 2 people

  7. Well, they obviously shouldn’t be together. Senior is too matured for junior and I don’t get why he’s constantly tongue-tied and stammering. The stammer is annoying abeg– he’s obviously not comfortable enough around her, she’s not making it easy, and that thing people say about older women with younger men applies here.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Lol Lizzy. I kind of like it too. If he continues to be a slow coach, then he’s at least lucky someone is taking the initiative for both of them. What that spells for the relationship is, however, something we’ll have to wait to see.

      Liked by 2 people

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