Should a person’s past sexual history matter in their current relationship?Last week and the week before, it would seem that shame made our main character defensive. This week, Ife Nihinlola delves into the mind of her boyfriend.
Riposte: To Call A Fly
“Dude, somehow, we’ve not had lunch together this week. Is this office making us slave that much or you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Avoiding you? When you’re not my landlady who wants to hook me up with her niece?”
“Look at you. Hot cake! Mr. Loverman! Anyway sha, how is the madam?”
“You want to start playing word games again? You know who I’m talking about. How is she?”
“Wetin? Trouble in paradise?”
“You must think life is a Mexican telenovela, with these your corny lines.”
“Just answer my question. Or are you guys fighting already?”
“Not really. We are probably just not compatible after all.”
“That is what men say when they find out the woman they like already has a daughter approaching puberty. Suddenly, compatibility becomes an issue like Windows 97.”
“You must think this is a joke.”
“No, really. Tell me—”
“Tell you what?”
“Or is it her body count?”
“Why do you have to mention that now?”
“So it is body count. You children of nowadays.”
“I didn’t mention body count.”
“But you’re not saying I’m wrong.”
“You can’t understand.”
“Can’t understand what? See, what a woman did before she met you, all the lives she lived, all the people she’s been with, only matters as much as you allow it.”
“Okay. It’s not about body count. Are you happy now? It’s about other things in our lives… you know… ermm… experience and all that jazz.”
“All that jazz? Now who has the corny lines? See, the past doesn’t matter. It’s all gone, and nothing can be done about it. That’s why we call it the past.”
“Wow! All you need is a shiny suit, oxford shoes, a haircut shaped by a calligrapher, and you’ll be a perfect motivational speaker!”
“You think this is funny abi? It’s your love life you’re joking with. Not mine. And see, it’s about to evaporate in your very before. You’ll grow old and little girls will end up using pictures of your unmarried big head with grey hair for bae goals on Instagram.”
“I already told you. You can’t understand.”
“Can’t understand what now?”
“Okay. Let’s put it this way. How… how much upper hand did you allow your wife have when you guys were courting?”
“Upper hand? What is this? Table tennis? Hehehehe! See, someone is always going to have to be the mumu in a relationship. Too bad you’re the one in this case.”
“That’s not what I asked you?”
“So? What is my own? Better come to terms with how you feel about this lady and be a man.”
“Be a man, seriously?”
“Nah. Not in the way you’re about to think. I’m saying you should stop worrying about things you can’t change, and take charge of your emotions. Show this woman you love her if you do, not all this past nonsense you’re talking about.”
“I don’t know. I already said you wouldn’t understand.”
“Can’t understand what exactly? This woman doesn’t deserve this indecisive nonsense you’re doing. Either commit or commot, but please, don’t waste her time.”
“I hear you. I’ll call her.”
“I’m not asking you to call her. But if you want to, better make up your mind. See lunch is almost over. Are you eating or not?”
What do you think?
I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.
I have some work to do before sleeping.
I actually thought you’d dumped the old lady and gone after a good virgin.
Smh. You know we have to talk, right?
Really? You think so?
So is this going to be like a confession where you’re the priest and I’m the sinner?
Smh. Who said anything about sins?
Okay. I don’t know o. Can we do it now?
Not really. We’ll have to fix a date or something.
I’m already feeling sleepy
Can I call you tomorrow?
I’ll also be the one to choose the place,
somewhere I don’t have to lose my
teeth trying to read the menu.
Whatever makes you happy… Junior 🙂
Hope you’re good sha?
Yes I am. Thank you for asking.
You’re welcome. I’ll call tomorrow
afternoon, old lady.
Don’t call me that! 😦
Call you what? 😉
Good night. Till tomorrow.
Mumu in vernacular means, a fool.
Commot: to move away
©Ife Nihinlola 2016 @ IfeOluwa’s Rambles
©Timi Yeseibo 2016
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