Part 1: boy meets girl; two girlfriends dissect the relationship – To Catch A Fly
Part 2: the male perspective; boy and his mate dissect the meeting – Riposte: To Catch A Fly
To Catch A Fly . . . Again
“I—”
“Can—”
“Sorry, please, you were saying?”
“I interrupted you, please go ahead.”
“Ladies first—”
“I insist. I know you’re trying to be a gentleman, but I insist . . . please go ahead.”
“Ahem! Excuse me.”
“Bless you dear. Oh sorry, that’s not the right thing to say, is it?”
“Than— ahem!”
“Are you okay?”
“Ahem! Yes, yes. Er, I wanted to ask you if—”
“Sorry. I have to take this call . . . it’s important . . . Hello? Hello?”
“No worries.”
****
“Hi, I’m back. Really sorry—”
“That’s okay . . .”
“You wanted to ask . . .”
“Oh, yes, that . . . what did you think of the seminar?”
“Well, this is the best one so far. I thoroughly subscribe to the professor’s argument about the lack of succession planning. How many Nigerian businesses have outlived their founders abi owners?”
“True, true. And the proliferation of techpreneurs . . . that one caught my attention. Guys just learn how to code and next thing want to launch out . . . no experience—”
“Yes o. Don’t you just hate it when people use Mark Zuckerberg as an example? I mean since when does an outlier experience become mainstream?”
“Yeah yeah, if the model cannot be replicated, it isn’t applicable. But the problem with Nigeria, no feasibility studies, no business plan . . . one person starts Pure Water business, next thing all the neighbours are digging their own boreholes! Copy, copy!”
Ha ha ha! I had a good time tonight. Thanks for inviting me.”
“My pleasure. Me too!”
“I’ve been meaning to ask—”
“Ahem . . . Ahem! Ahem! I—”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I—”
“Hold that thought, I have to take this please. It’s an important call. Hello? Hello? You can’t see my date of birth? What—”
***
“So sorry, I needed to sort that out—”
“That’s okay . . . but I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation—”
“No biggie, my medical forms should have been submitted yesterday—”
“D . . . di . . . did you say you were born in 1981?”
“Ah ah, a lady doesn’t reveal her age, but since the cat is out of the bag—”
“Yo . . . you’re thirty-five?”
“Technically, thirty-four years and seven months. My birthday is in a few—”
“Thirty-five?”
“Well, I guess you’re one of those people who always round up num—”
“Thirty-five? How?”
“Ha ha, my mum and dad did it in ’80. I don’t look it right? People always think I’m like twenty-five, twenty-six-ish.”
“You certainly had me fooled . . . with that face and body!”
“I hope that’s a good thing . . . you look sick . . . is everything—”
“I . . . I’m . . . I’m fine. Do you mind if we go sit in the car?”
“No not at all. Lead the way . . . so how old are you?”
“Er . . . old. I mean old enough.”
“Let me guess . . . come to think of it, you went to school with Lola’s brother right?
“Yes . . .”
“Andy is three years older than us. Mehn, you wear thirty-eight well! I’ve always thought we were age mates—”
“I . . . I—”
“Ah ah you’re so sweet and thoughtful . . . you don’t have to open the car door for me all the time jare.”
“I aim to please.”
“Is that Sade? Do you mind increasing the volume? I looove Sade! Hmm . . . this is no ordinary love, no ordinary love, baby . . .”
“I . . . I . . . I was saying I went to school with Bobby.”
“Bobby? Which Bobby? How can? Bobby! Wait . . . wait . . .”
“Yes—”
“Bobby? Lola their last born?”
“Yeah, that Bobby—”
“Please lower the music. Lower the music!
“Is this okay?”
Haba! Just turn it off abeg!”
“Sorry. Okay.”
“I can’t breathe! Wind down—”
“But the AC is on—”
“I said, ‘Wind down!’ Wind down now!”
“Okay, okay . . . cooli temper!”
“Hisssss!”
“Is this better? Please say something . . .”
“Hmmmm!”
“Look, this is awkward for me too . . .”
“Hmmmm!”
“Okay, em . . . em . . . the next track is . . . drum roll . . . Age ain’t nothing but a number—”
“Hisssss! Ye ye boy! And my name is R. Kelly! Ha ha ha!”
“Ha ha ha! At least I made you laugh abi?”
“Juvenile delinquent! Please take me home before it’s time for your curfew!”
©Timi Yeseibo 2016
For Afi, Ayo, Busola, and everyone who wanted a sequel to To Catch A Fly & Riposte: To Catch A Fly. Thank you for helping me improve my dialogue writing skills.
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