To Not Catch A Fly

To not catch a fly

You’re interested in a serious relationship that ends in marriage, would you date a man six years younger than you are or a woman six years older than you are?

Read the backstories: To Catch A Fly & The Riposte;
To Catch A Fly . . . Again & The Riposte

 

To Not Catch A Fly

“It’s not the way I pictured it . . . you know, I always saw myself with someone older. . . I don’t know if I want to catch this fly.”

“I know—”

“I mean, my dad is older than my mum . . . my sister’s husband is older than her . . . the man is always older . . .”

“Well there was Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher—”

Puhleeze! Let’s talk about real peopl—”

“Gabriel Union and Dwayne—”

“I so love Gabriel Union! She’s so cool! Bad choice though . . . Anyway, I can wrap my mind around one or two years, but six!”

“Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are six years apart—”

“Can you blame her? If Ryan Gosling was knocking on my door—”

“Keeping it real please! I can’t think of any real couples right now, but I’m sure many people must have done it successfully—”

“I need a man not a baby to look after for crying out loud!”

“Funny, eh, stop being dramatic. Before you knew his age, he was okay. He didn’t seem immature. He has a good job, rents his own place, car . . . you never said he behaved like a baby—”

“But maybe that explains his slow coach. Don’t you see? He’s young, maybe he’s not ready for marriage . . . you know, he’s just checking out the field—”

“So he didn’t react when he found out your age?”

“I don’t know o! I was busy having tantrum like a drama queen while he was cracking jokes.”

“Hmmm . . . you guys sound right for each other—”

“I watched this movie once . . . em, I’ve forgotten the name. Older woman, younger guy. So, they’re like lying in bed. She’s reading something serious like The Economist, he’s playing Nintendo—”

“Hmmm Hisssss! In your case more like he’s reviewing seminar materials and you’re eating shawarma!”

“Ha ha ha! Your head is not correct! But what will people say? What will my family say? Abeg joor, I can’t.”

“People will always say, it’s your family that counts. To convince your family, you must first convince yourself. Last time I checked, he met your specs—”

“No, no, no. Oh no, last time you checked he was a seminar-inviting slow coach!”

“But you like him?”

“Yeah, I do. I like talking to him and I enjoy his company. . . a couple of his shirts need to be donated to Red Cross, but he’s not bad . . . there’s good chemistry in the works . . .”

“You see . . .”

“Yeah, I mean I was going to just ask him point blank where all this is headed you know, and then bam! The age thing. Maybe it’s a sign?”

“Sign of what?”

“That it isn’t meant to be . . .”

“Nonsense. I’ve learnt that love can come when we least expect it from unexpected people and from unexpected places. Don’t blow your chance at love. Give him a chance—”

“And can you imagine I’ll start greying first. Oh dear, I’ll grey down there first and look like his mother!”

“Nonsense! A brazillian can fix that. Did you hear anything I said?”

“Is this dude paying you to do PR for him?”

“I just want you to not let conventions limit your chances. This guy may be younger but he has potential and he is solid.”

“Let me just call him—”

“W . . . What are you going to say?”

“Listen, I’ll put it on speaker.”

 

***

“Hello? Hello? Junior, it’s me.”

“Ah Senior, how are you? I ate my vegetables and brushed my teeth before going to bed.”

“Ha ha ha! Seriously, I’d like to ask you out—”

“A date?”

“Yes, like dinner and a movie . . . no seminar . . .”

“Of course I know what a date is. I wanted to ask you out—”

“That’s okay, I’m asking you. So shall we do dinner this Friday say around seven-thirty-ish?”

“Yes, that’s well before my curfew, I can swing that—”

“Ha ha ha. This boy, you’ve started o.”

“No o, you started it.”

“I’ll whatsapp you details ok?”

“Ok.”

“Bye now.”

“Wait!”

“What?”

“You have a lovely smile and rich laughter.”

“Thanks. Did your English teacher teach you that at school today?”

“No, actually it was my literature teacher . . . today we did poetry . . .”

“Touché! See you Friday.”

“Can’t wait.”

“Bye bye.”

“Bye.”

 

©Timi Yeseibo 2016

 

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Timi Yeseibo and livelytwist.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

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58 thoughts on “To Not Catch A Fly

  1. Would you believe that my own concern was that younger girls were too immature? I have dated an older woman once in my life and it wasn’t serious then. But dating younger girls was grief all through my life except once and that one time she was nine months younger. No games. She was very reliable. I ruined it then when I let prior emotional interest in someone else get between us.

    Since her I only found a quiet, loving relationship one time again and that was a little over a month ago. Surprisingly, that was with someone much younger than me than I was ever willing to stretch my accommodation to. There’s seven years between us.

    I don’t think now that age matters as a thing in itself. I think that what matters is whether the two people involved want the same thing in life. There are plenty enough relationships with the “wrong” age dynamic which work just fine. And plenty more with the “right” dynamic that fails.

    People don’t need to look too far to find the excuses to avoid building something responsible.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. A woman I worked under and was dear to me years back was 7 yrs older than her man. But African-Americans don’t age! She’s retired and they still look awesome together. My friend’s friend is 10 yrs older than her husband. Never say never.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yeah, never say never. To my mind, 7 and 10 seem like big gaps though and so sharing your friend’s stories help me deconstruct the walls in my mind.

      Love, shared interests, respect, admiration … they penetrate barriers ….

      Black skin has resilience. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello Timi,

    How’ve you been?

    I have followed this delightful story and it keeps getting better! I read this one with a big smile. I laughed so hard @ “In your case more like he’s reviewing seminar materials and you’re eating shawarma!” Lol

    Ah, these two would make a fine couple once they get past worrying about other people’s perception of how things are “supposed” to be.

    He really has a great sense of humour, for some reason I like that she got past her concerns and asked him out on a date

    I like how you’ve subtly addressed this “societal mindset” matter with this tale. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Timi you are an awesome writer! When doubts about your writing come, just remember that I think you are GOLD.
    I have had a rough day and this has lifted my spirits. The dialogue is like ambrosia.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. The suspense is stretching me beyond limits, the only time I have seen age mean a lot is when the guy is 15years older, if is the lady it doesn’t matter, in fact the love gets sweeter

    Liked by 2 people

  6. A friend of mine is ten years older than her husband. He went gray before she did. 🙂
    Great story! I dated a guy three years younger, but took a lot of grief from people who felt he should be older or the same age. I turned down a guy ten years younger, because he seemed like a baby to me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There’s no formula to greying is there? 🙂
      @ 3 years younger, interesting. I would have thought you live in a more liberal culture …

      10 years seems like a lot to me. Perhaps issues arise from being at different phases in life? A 40 year-old man may be mature, but at 50, the woman is probably greying first! Lol! XD

      Like

  7. Hmmmm…..I tell my granddaughters to marry someone about five years younger. More than that could back fire in later life, but probably five years younger will mean you and he will die close to the same time. And very important is that when you’ve got arthritic fingers, he will still be able to open bottles. And that’s really why we marry men. We need them to open bottles.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. This is getting very interesting. Age actually becomes a number when two people really connect. Senior & Junior were already into each other before age interfered. 6yrs is not that bad if the chemistry is real. As the saying goes ” A woman is as old as she looks…a man, as old as he feels”
    I love ur collabo with Ife. I hope this doesn’t end anytime soon. More power to ur fingers.:)

    Liked by 6 people

    1. There’s some chemistry between them for sure and maybe shared interest – all those seminars! 🙂 But is it enough?

      Thank you. I’ve enjoyed collaborating with Ife on this. Let’s see where the story leads.

      Btw, that saying seems unfair to the woman. You know, age and looks … Oh well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just responded to one of your followers; the subject matter may be a little uncomfortable for some guys.
        They’ve had to put up with a certain amount of teasing. Sense of humor is certainly part of the answer. –Curt

        Liked by 1 person

  9. I wonder where most of us ladies like the lady in the story got this thinking from ‘ I want to end up with a guy a few years older than me’ . It’s something that we grow up thinking but today I started thinking about it and wondered how I even got to think that way. Even guys think that way too I remember a male friend telling me that he was glad that the lady he was dating was younger than him by a few months he assumed she was older earlier and thought that it would have been an issue in their relationship for him.
    It’s funny how we grow up with different notions and don’t even question what we believe or why we believe what we believe until we hit a certain ‘wall’ that makes us question what we believe.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I think that we think that way because that model is the popular and accepted one
      .
      Maybe the way we were raised also has an impact. Girls tend to be groomed for marriage and responsibility earlier. It is commonly assumed that girls (from teenage years) are more mature than boys of the same age. It follows then that marrying a younger man equates to marrying a less mature spouse, and the issues that may bring …

      Part of my goal is to cause us to examine what we believe and maybe start conversations around this issue. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes I think so too but sometimes opinions of others can affect us in certain ways. When I met my husband we easily became friends and spent a lot of time together it was much later I got to know I was a few months older than him. It wasn’t an issue until we started talking marriage and i told to a family member I was older she gasped at me in shock (like it was a taboo) I quickly had to add that it was just by a few months before she relaxed. From that point I stopped telling other people, family or friends because I realised what people’s opinion was I just let people continue to think he was older.
      Been married for a while now and the age thing has never been an issue at least not for us. I guess if you can live with it I guess others would eventually get to learn to live with it as well.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Advice arrives daily on a myriad of topics ~ who to marry, whether and when to have children, what career to pursue, the food, books, and movies we should consume, the car we should drive, the clothes we should wear, the religion we should follow, the sexual positions we should master, where we should vacation, and even whether we should have a natural or artificial Christmas tree!

        When people offer advice, they are merely saying what they would do if they were in my shoes.

        Only they are not in my shoes ~ I am.

        Liked by 4 people

  10. Aside my earlier comment…
    I’ve thought about this, marrying a younger guy, and no matter how much I try to trivialise it, nothing makes it a trivial issue. So I don’t even know. I can’t think of a reason why I wouldn’t want that– except the usual ‘society’ excuse. It’s an excuse for saying I’d rather not deal with how the news is received.
    But after meeting a great guy who turns out to be -1yrs, I’m thinking maybe a -1/+5 age difference will be okay after all.

    Goes to show how influenced a person can be by society.

    Liked by 7 people

    1. We have assimilated the popular model of society and never bothered to challenge it. I agree it isn’t trivial when you or someone you care about is involved. Then you weigh stuff.

      Uju, like you, I can deal with a ‘small’ age gap. Six years seem a bit too much for me. As I watch the characters and their romance unfold, I keep asking if connection, chemistry, and love, are enough.

      All the best with this great guy!

      Liked by 2 people

    1. It has the trappings of a romantic comedy doesn’t it? They are using humour to make the most of an uncomfortable situation … for now. Have they even scratched beyond the surface internally?

      I’d like to root for them too, but I don’t know … 🙂

      Like

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