“Six?”
“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
“Oh my God, six!”
“I . . . I—”
“So six men have entered your pants! What kind of girl are you?”
“What do you mean? I don’t sleep around . . . I was in a relationship with all of them—”
“See the mouth you use to say ‘I don’t sleep around?’ What do you call f**king six guys? Ehn?”
“Hmmm.”
“You are quiet now abi? Answer me?”
“Look, I told you I didn’t want us to divulge this kind of information about our past—”
“So, you wanted to pretend I was the second ehn?”
“This is ridiculous! You knew I wasn’t a virgin when you married me?”
“Six? Haba six?”
“Stop shaking your head and treating me like a slut. What about you?”
“I’m a man o! You hear me I’m a man!”
“What about your younger sister?”
“Don’t you dare bring my sister into this discussion! We’re talking about you!”
“Double standards . . .”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. Where are you going?”
“I’m coming.”
***
“Oya start writing.”
“What?”
“The names of the guys!”
“You can’t be serious! No way!”
“Ha! I’ve never been more serious. I need to understand what I got myself into.”
“You must be joking!”
“I’m not.”
“Where’s your list?”
“Here. I’ve written mine.”
“Hisssss! Wonders will never end. I’m not interested!”
“Okay, It’s on the table. Any time you’re interested, you can look. I’m waiting.”
“I’m going to bed jo. I can’t stand your childishness anymore.”
“Nobody will sleep in this house until you write the list!”
“Is that a threat?”
“I didn’t go to law school, you can call it what you want.”
“And if I don’t? Are you going to beat it out of me?”
“I have never laid hands on a woman, and I will not start today. But you will pack your bags and go to your parent’s house tonight.”
“Hissss!”
***
“What’s all that noise? What do you think you are doing?”
“Helping you pack.”
“What?”
“You may want to consider changing from your nightie. I will soon call a cab.”
“You are crazy! Put my things back!”
“No. I will call your dad and tell him to expect you.”
“What demon has possessed you? What’s wrong with you?”
“Write.”
“Sit down, ehn. Let’s talk about this.”
“I don’t have anything left to say.”
“Sweetheart, have I ever been unfaithful to you? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? Haaa . . . Say something . . .”
“I don’t have anything to say.”
“Sweetheart—”
“Don’t touch me!”
“Baby, what’s really wrong? I love you. You’re the only man for me. I love you.”
***
“The cab is downstairs.”
“Seriously, you called a cab? Did you call my dad?”
“Not yet, but I will.”
“Hmmm. Tell the cab to go.”
“No. You go.”
“Six is just a number . . .”
“I disagree.”
“Where’s the paper? Okay, give me the pen.”
***
“Before I give you this paper, let me just say something. Don’t do this to us; things will never be the same between us after this . . .”
“Kola Shonekan? Number three, which Kola Shonekan?”
“He’s a lawyer I went out with when I was in law school—”
“Where does he live?”
“I don’t know; he used to live in Lekki.”
“He has an MBA from Wharton?”
“How did you know?”
“Jesus! You banged my boss!”
“Kola is your boss? He works for Accenture—”
“He’s my boss’s boss boss. He’s the head of legal!”
“It was a long time ago. We were almost engaged—”
“Which Kassim is this?”
“Isn’t his surname there?”
“Rufai’s younger brother—”
“You know Rufai?”
“How could you? That’s cradle snatching! He’s a small boy!”
“I’m tired of this your interrogation. You wanted list, I gave you list! I’m going to bed!”
“Kassim! Kai, I’m finished!”
***
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“To the guest room, so I can have some peace.”
“Kassim . . . Kassim that we used to send to buy Small Stout for us . . .”
“Get out! Leave me in peace! Do you hear me? I said, ‘Leave me in peace!’”
“How could you? Okay, just answer me, how could you?”
“He was nineteen, I was twenty-three; we were in love. Since when has that become a crime?”
“I’m disappointed in you!”
“Are you done now? Can I get some sleep now?”
“Yes. I leave you to your conscience.”
***
“What now? What time is it?”
“Wake up, wake up!”
“It’s not yet morning?”
“It’s 4:30. I thought you said there were six?”
“You’ve started again?”
“There are only five names?”
“The sixth one doesn’t count.”
“It does to me.”
“Well since you already have my sexual map . . . His name was Richard Morgan.”
“A white guy?”
“Yes?”
“So, this is what you went to London to do in the name of school? You were banging white guys enh?”
“I’ve had enough of your insults! For your information, he was my classmate. I was studying at his place. He made a move. I knew if I didn’t give in he’d rape me, so—”
“But what were you doing at his place so late?”
“You don’t get it do you? I was at his place in the morning! Anyway, you don’t need to worry about him being your boss’s boss boss boss! He’s dead!”
“Dead?”
“Yes! Complications of HIV, last year.”
“AIDS? My God! Oh my God! I’m finished!”
©Timi Yeseibo 2014
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